Tuesday, November 01, 2016

NaBloPoMo 2016 and Reboot Project 365 #1

NaBloPoMo November 2016

Well, it's November 1st and I'm going to once again attempt to complete NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). It wasn't until I was looking at my blog last night for something that I realized it was ready to happen again. I don't know what happened last year. I just suddenly stopped after 4 days. I went back through my Facebook timeline to see if something triggered it (like the previous year's health issues), but nothing. Oh, well...

A lot has changed in the past year — I'll try to address a lot of that over these posts. There's also a lot of things I had put on hold (some without realizing it) and I'll try to address some of those, as well. All I know is I want to get the old blog back up and resume posting regularly. I miss this outlet. I'm going to update the Expression Engine CMS this month and try to get the commenting system issues fixed. Then I want to get my CSS skills back and dive into some HTML5. My web skills are rusty and it's time to break out the oil.

The biggest and most important change this year was that I finally found a job in South Dakota. It was the ultimate catalyst to get me out of my comfort zone and away from the soul-sucking job I had in Denver. When my boss there quit for the 2nd time, I was killing myself to try and keep the department from sinking. I was working 60-70 hours per week, my office mate was a dumb ass, my new boss totally inexperienced, they weren't looking for anybody new to hire and I just couldn't do it anymore. Funny that they finally hired 2 people to replace me and now I hear my old boss is back. I'm not going to post where I work now or what I'm doing, but I took a huge pay cut and at least I'm back in a field for which I actually went to school. While I'm pretty sure this won't be a long-term gig and I do still have dreams of my own business (which I may one day share), at least it is good for right now. I am going to have to find some additional income, though. I was working at night for my former company while they were getting their newbies trained (managed to keep that up for 2 months), but even that became unbearable.

So, as of August 1st, I became a South Dakotan. It's weird, because I've never lived in any other state. Seeing South Dakota license plates on the old Baja for the first time was a little strange.

The second biggest thing is my father passed away on October 16th. He's been in bad shape for well over 2 years. While I'm sad that he passed, I am glad he is finally out of pain and hopefully in a better place. I will be flying to Denver on Thursday for his service at Fort Logan. After that, I really won't have any ties to Colorado other than Marcus is still living there. I can't wait for the day he can cut ties there, as well.

I'm also going to attempt Project 365 once again to get it knocked off my 101 in 1001 list that I started up again. The photo below is from the Long Draw prescribed burn about 5 miles southwest of Hill City:

Prescribed Burn in South Dakota

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Turning Point?

Had the most disturbing/enlightening dream last night. A bunch of people I didn't really know that well were on a stupid quest for something (no idea what anymore). We kept running into all sorts of issues and there really was no reward for completing the tasks. I woke up angry and frustrated. Perfect metaphor, I think, for my job/life at the moment. Yesterday, I was totally frustrated with the new software and the lack of organized training we're getting, my co-workers that are incompetent and/or lazy (yet will seemingly never get fired) and the pointlessness of what I do everyday (it's just mail, most of which is junk that ends up right in a trash can).

It really is time for find something better to do with my life. Marcus has put a little bug in my head that I've been contemplating for the last week. I've spent all week coming up with why it won't work. Need to squash that little voice in my head and concentrate on the pros of why it will work. I've been talking about doing something like this since college, but up until now, it's all been talk and dreams. I've been scared to make that leap. Next year I'll be 50 - time to make a jump.

I don't want to be like my 70+ year old former co-worker who just passed away and who couldn't retire because of bad choices in his life. I also don't want to be like my mother who never followed her own dreams and died way too early (also frustrated and bitter). I definitely don't want to be my father who never did anything with his life and just sits like a vegetable watching TV everyday, blaming everyone but himself for his predicament.

It's getting harder and harder on me every time I go Homestead North. I actually cried at my desk a little yesterday and had a hell of a time making myself perform my work tasks. Then, when I finally did manage to get a job done, I got an email from the account manager to put the job on hold, they were going to be changing it. It's hard enough to get though the pointlessness of it all without having to chuck it and start over. After that email, I clocked out on a long lunch and almost didn't go back. I get panic attacks almost every morning now on my drive in (both due to the job and the horrible traffic in Denver). I'm still too young to be living like this - especially in a free country where I'm not an indentured slave.

I also want to get back to this...blogging. I don't want it to be the "Blog of Woe" that Marcus once coined it as being, but I haven't felt very positive lately.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Project 365 #28 - Spiced Tuaca Cider

I honestly can't remember when I first had Tuaca cider, but I do remember making it a few years ago when I had my knitting group over to my house.

Last year, I found these organic mulling spice bags at Whole Foods and now I can make myself a cup whenever I want - like tonight - because work sucks much ass and I really need a drink. smile

I saw a recipe from them in my Facebook feed called Hot Apple Pie (you have to be 18 to click through the link), which is basically the same thing except you put a cinnamon stick and whipped cream on it. I'll have to try that one day when I have whipped cream around.

Monday, November 17, 2014

This Day Sucked

I wish I could spill what is going on at work on here. I'm so frustrated and apathetic. It's not like me at all and I don't like it. I have to keep reminding myself this is motivation to get my rear in gear and find something to do with my life that will bring me good feelings, not negative ones.

I'm also having severe colon pain again (topped with a good dose of womanly cramps - TMI - sorry). Good thing the colonoscopy is on Friday. I'm hoping they find the cause and that it is not super-serious. I have my doubts as this whole ordeal has been one wasted effort after another. I was reading the stuff they sent me earlier today. Not looking forward to this process at all.

OK, that I said, I'm going to pop a pain pill and head to bed.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Day of Panic Attacks

Man, I had 2 major panic attacks today.

First, I stopped at Whole Foods on the way to work and my debit card was declined. I had checked the balance this morning to see what purchases I had made with the PayPal card had cleared and there was money in my account. I got to work and logged into the bank website to see the card number was different and not active. Um, Ok...there was no message in my inbox, just notifications about bank statements ready to be downloaded. I started to call the bank, but figured I had better check through the big pile of crap on my desk first. Sure enough, there was a new card mixed in with political crap. Whew.

The 2nd one happened after I called tech support to find a solution to an issue I was having with our mail sorting software. The guy told me to make sure I copied this one file so that if things went wrong, I could put it back. The main problem is that we run our software on a remote server, not individual installations like they want you to do. Me trying to work with this file while everybody else was working corrupted it and I couldn't get it back in. I had a major panic attack and had visions of being fired, not to mention crippling the mailing department. Good thing Marcus has a cooler head than I and managed to get it fixed. Whew.

The Polar Vortex sank into the United States today and Marcus is having a panic attack of his own. The guy that Marcus hired to install the heater for our water tank/pump hasn't showed up to install it and he's panicking about all of our stuff freezing up like last year. He claims he'll be there tomorrow - I hope it is not too late.

Saturday, November 08, 2014

Panic Attacks

Even though it is only Saturday night, here I am having a panic attack at the thought of returning to work on Monday. I'm trying to be grateful this all happened as it has been a wake-up call of how little I'm valued despite having my 8th anniversary with that company just yesterday. I know better things are out there, I just have to stay calm before I do something stupid - I have a hard time biting my tongue.

On a better note, I've been purging my blog of paid posts. It feels good every time I select a few and hit delete. It's definitely going to take a while, though. It'll be nice to finally stop getting those stupid emails of companies trying to clean up their Google rankings.

Funny to think that these posts are what was supporting me back when I got my current job. This job was also only supposed to be fore a year while I got my crap together to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I let a steady paycheck make me complacent even though I've been miserable almost the whole dang time I've worked there.

Friday, November 07, 2014

Shit Hit the Fan

So, I was put in my place at work today. Wish I could post details, but I can't. Job hunting has started in earnest. I'm going to probably have to take a major pay cut, but at least I'll be in South Dakota and can focus on starting my own side business that will hopefully eventually become my sole source of support.

The freaky thing was reading Maria Shaw's Starscopes Newsletter when I got home:

Mars will conjunct Pluto bringing some very intense power struggles and energy to the surface November 10 to the 14th. You could really feel like blowing off some steam. People, who have been getting on your nerves, will now push you too far. But it is a great time to get moving in a new direction and these energies may help you on a new path.
....
November 12th brings a harsh and challenging aspect from Pluto and Uranus. Something out of the blue may unfold that forces you to choose a different path than you are already on. Expect the unexpected this week. This will be an interesting day because Saturn will also meet Venus and this can either bond a relationship or create an ending of some kind. If a relationship's foundation is shaky, it could crumble under this influence.

So, yeah...this coming week is going to be rough, but necessary to get me off the dead-end path I'm on and hopefully onto a better one.

Thursday, November 06, 2014

Motivation

Something in me snapped at work today. I'm done.

I'm so sick of being a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I'm so sick of giving it my all to try to make a fucked up situation work just to get a paycheck. I'm sick of being lied to my face. I know I'm pretty good at whatever I try, but these people don't deserve my best. I won't go into details publicly, because I know this blog comes up if you search for my name, but I deserve better than this.

I was searching for something motivational to put in my line of sight at work and I came across the Steve Jobs commencement address at Stanford University. The parts that stick out for me are excerpted below:

"You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.
...
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
...
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."

--Steve Jobs, June 12, 2005


I'll be honest that this colon thing has me a little freaked out. I'm also getting closer to the age that Mom was when she passed. If I don't figure out what will make me happy and do it, I'm going to die with regrets and bitterness.