Domestic Geek

My stress is causing insomnia again. My dog won't let me try to sleep tonight. I might as well post.

I wish I had remembered what day it was earlier. The second Thursday of every month is psychic night on 850 KOA Rick Barber's show. That was my favorite night back when I made dough. I caught the last 15 minutes of it.

Looking at my Branica stats, I remembered something I wanted to post about: I don't like the new Tattered Cover location.

Since it was rainy and dreary last Saturday and I had to take Marcus' deposit to the bank anyway, I decided to head down there to check it out. It's on Colfax a couple of blocks east of University. My first impression was not good: there was a bunch of construction going on in that area and it took forever just to get into the parking lost. Then, the parking garage is tiny with not enough room for two cars to pass each other in the turns. I almost gave up at that point. I decided to press on. I made the mistake of entering through the "cafe" door. An employee was set up at a table right inside the door giving out samples of something. The group around her was blocking the entrance and impeding my retreat from the rain. When I finally made my way in, my heart sank. It seemed old and dingy already. One of the great things about the old location was the multiple floors to disperse the crowds. Not so here. The shelves were tightly packed into only two floors. There were no places to escape people like at the old one. Seating is limited. Every time I tried to browse a section, I was in somebody's way. After a little over a half hour, my claustrophobia got the best of me and I had to get out of there. I was not impressed. I may try to give it another chance next week since I'll be unemployed. Maybe it will be better during the week when the weather is better. We'll see.

As for my breakdown: I got news yesterday that the trade show place I wanted to work for went with someone else. The headwear place reposted their listing on Craigslist, yet didn't call me. I resubmitted my resume, but am losing hope about that. I have two days of work left, no job prospect and I'm starting to panic. Out of curiosity, I looked at my biorhythm widget and all of my waves are at a low point. My ruling planet, Mercury, is in retrograde. Yay. I sank into horrible despair yesterday. The tiniest thing sent me bawling. I keep trying to remain positive, but I'm slipping. I racked up $50,000 in student loan debt, got out of school over a year ago and I'm worse off than I've been at almost any time in my adult life except for the period I had living in Colorado Springs. People keep telling me how talented I am, so how come I can't get a job?

Our office manager is fixing a big lunch for us today as kind of a going away thing for me. That's going to be hard to deal with. It'd be OK if I was leaving with another job lined up. A couple of days ago, the owner said he wanted to talk to me before my last day (about what?--there's really nothing to talk about), but he's more interested in getting ready for his Lake Powell trip next week. One of the franchise owners is taking me out to dinner this evening as a "thank you" for the work I did. She knows a lot of people, I'd like to keep her as a contact. Maybe that could lead to something. Who knows?

Well, I guess I'll go into work a little early today. I've got a little bit of work to do on the database, yet. I need to clean my machine off and back up my data. I'll be glad to be gone from there, I just wish I had somewhere new to go.

I need you all to do me a favaor. Send positive good job vibes my way. Mentally tell the Powers-That-Be at a local Headwear [link removed] company that they need to hire me in their graphics department. I saw the post Friday on Craigslist and responded. This job would be perfect if they're offering enough pay. I need to get an interview and find out. It's less than 10 minutes from my house, it's a few blocks away from the studio where I want to start practising yoga, it's production art, it's embroidery. I could quit wasting all of my earnings on gas, I'd put little wear and tear on my car, I wouldn't have to drive on any freeways to get there, I could have more time for freelancing, I could meet my Dad occasionally for lunch (it's practically in his backyard). Like I said, it sounds perfect! Help me and I'll be forever grateful!

ONE...MORE...WEEK.

I'm scared to death about what my future holds, but I know that getting away from here will be a good thing. I will be very surprised if the company I work for still exists in its current form in two years. Don't get me wrong, I'm not rooting for it to fail. I just see some major probems and the direct mail market is oversaturated with similar publications. I guess we'll see.

My boss is pushing me to go on unemployment. What's up with that? Is that how he needs to quelch his guilty conscience over letting me go? He also asked me today if my last day was the 14th. Um, you're the one letting me go and you can't even remember when you said my last day would be? WTF? Yeah, l just lost the last little ounce of respect I had for him.

Why is it that since I want to work without interruption and finish this damned database so that I can leave this place with a free conscience, everybody and their cousins are doing their best to keep me from it? GRRRRRRRR!

I'm becoming so anti-government lately. Has every generation had their major problems or are we just in an incredibly sucky period right now? Why is it more important to fight gay marriage than the flood of illegals in this country? Why is it more important to worry about a tiny little country half a world away than about what is going on within our own borders? Taxes are out of control, gas prices are out of control, our justice system is out of control. Movements are underway to make the US/Mexico/Canada a single entity with one currency like the European Union. Our middle class is dwindling, the ranks of the "poor" are growing and the elite are getting richer and more powerful. Neither party will fix any of this because they are BOTH part of the problem. Will we see another civil war in my lifetime? I'm starting to think so. I'm seeing the scenario in Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" unfolding before my very eyes. It scared me.

I spoke with the recruiter at Marcus' old company today. They are hiring in the advertising department there. I guess my resume makes me look like a hiring risk. I've been in the field a year, but I was only at one job for 7 months (um, they went out of business) and at this job five months. Yes, I made a mistake in accepting a job 50 miles from my house. I was promised car pooling. That fizzled and I can't keep driving 100 miles round trip five days a week just to make my resume look better. There is a slim chance I may still get an interview (because they liked Marcus so much there), but I'm not counting on it. I guess this explains why I don't hear anything back from anybody when my resume goes out.