Domestic Geek

So, you know you're not working at the right place when you call in after three days on the job. *sigh* Normally, I would rant about why this job is not for me, but I'll just say that it's not working out and leave it at that.

I so badly want to find something bearable to do everyday. I feel like that guy in Office Space--I don't think sitting in front of a computer 8+ hours a day is for me. I really prefer having computers and web stuff as a hobby, not a job. I joked with Marcus that I would get a job in construction if it wasn't for the fact that I'd probably be in the ER on the very first day! LOL That's one reason why I kept at pizza for so long...as a driver, you're out on the road most of the time, not cooped up somewhere. That's why managing pizza or working inside didn't work. I just couldn't stand being in the same place doing the same thing over and over for that long. I need a job where I can make stuff or something, but not like an assembly line. I think that's why I liked the part of my merchandiser job I had at AutoZone. I loved resetting planograms. Too bad jobs like that don't pay squat.

So, nothing like wondering why you haven't heard from a place you sent a resume to that you really wanted to work at only to realize that you have a typo in your cover letter and said cover letter states you have high attention to detail. Said cover letter was also proofread by the placement coordinator. Whoo Hooo! Gee, wonder why they wouldn't call after that?

I came to a grim realization on Friday. I hate being a graphic designer. I don't hate making things in programs, but I hate the industry. I hate people wanting the world, but not wanting to pay for it. I also know why most of the design you see is crap and everybody uses Times New Roman or Helvetica. When a salesman puts two hours art charges into an estimate for three separate menu variations for a client, no wonder people give in and churn out crap. There was an hour or better of copy. I already spent two hours alone just cloning out the frickin' time stamp the salesman inadvertantly turned on when taking pictures of the client's food. Also, the food pictures suck. They want the food cut out of the background, yet many of the pictures have parts of the plates cut off. Grrrr. I also hate using Adobe programs on a PC. I'm a Mac person. I know the mac shortcuts. I'm tired of hitting the damned windows menu key. The stress of all of this is making my chest hurt. I've got that panic attack thing going on already. I just don't have the temperment to design things for other people. This place also doesn't have set hours. I've not been told how many hours I am expected to put in, I can't get there before 11 am, so no way I can get in 8 hours a day. Part of me wishes I hadn't accepted this work, but part of me is realizing it is a blessing: I strongly realize what it is I don't want to do.

Also, I hate advertising. I hate the marketing field. I think it's all a crock of sh*t.

I'm going to concentrate on finding something in web. Behind the scenes. Not design. Marcus was right when he said I need to get back towards the technical side. Delve back into coding. *sigh* Part of me wishes I could just tell them this isn't working and not come back. The other part of me (the part that will win) will stay until their little ad magazine goes to press at the end of the month and take my leave. Unless somebody hires me away sooner. They understand that I am looking elsewhere. Please, somebody in the web field hire me now!!!!!!

The meeting I was supposed to have with the new placement person yesterday was cancelled. I was a little bummed by it, but there really wasn't anything I could do to change it. I keep telling myself that these things happen for a reason. This time I saw the reason immediately. We rescheduled for today and I happened to be meeting with the placement person when one of my old instructors (and a former placement person herself) stopped in to say hi. She's looking for some temporary help with one of her endeavors, so I'm stopping by to meet her business partner tomorrow. Hopefully this will get cash coming in now and lead to more contract type work in the future.

An interviewer asked me recently if I could have any job in the world, money not a consideration, what would I like to be doing? The fact is, I don't know. When I started design school, I thought I wanted to be a designer. I loved playing on the computer, making web sites and learning new code. I still do, I just hate doing it for other people. They ruin the fun of it for me. They make it a chore. It's not design anymore, it's just churning out crap. The best job I've had so far was the production artist gig at the screenprinter (before they really started going downhill). It didn't pay enough to live on, however.

I wish I could find out what it is that I am passionate about. Marcus has and I'm a little jealous. I was reading on some site last week that if you find your passion, the money will come. Great. The fact is right now I'm stuck. I'm angry. I'm cynical. I'm jaded.

I hope I figure it out soon, though. I'm tired of spinning my wheels or driving in reverse. If I have the good fortune of living to 80 or beyond, my life is only half over. I'd really like to enjoy the time I have left on this planet, not dread it.