Domestic Geek

It's so weird when you're coming out of a depression period. You know you were depressed, but you didn't realize how bad until you look back at things that happened during that time. I think I've been in a serious, deep one for about 2 and a half years (it started when they put on on these damned 12-13 hour shifts at work).

It amazes me how long I have been in this funk. The evidence is popping up all over. I wrote on Twitter the other day that I was finding receipts on my desk that were over a year old. I was putting up Christmas lights outside yesterday and the big wreath for the side of the house was still behind the rocking chair in the living room where I left it after taking it down last year. I hadn't cleaned the tub/shower in the back bathroom in about as long. It had horrible soap scum/mildew built up. I was starting to smell it while I was watching television.

I don't think I've actually finished a knitting project in quite a while. It's really odd for me to not want to do anything creative. I think I actually got more joy out of continually ripping knitting back than actually progressing.

I know I haven't been particularly pleasant to be around, either. I've had a serious defeatist attitude. The slightest thing set me off to make me angry, especially when it was things of which I had no control. It's really hard for me to see any good around me when I get like that.

I don't know what has brought me out this time. Maybe a combination of things. I've been eating only real, natural food for a while. I tried eating one of my previous prepacked faves, Stouffers Mac and Cheese, the other day and it actually made me physically ill. I drove to New Mexico at the end of October to visit with my old college pal. It felt so good to see her — I missed her so much. I have hope that I will actually find a new job in the new year. Companies are starting to hire creative professionals again. I decided it was time to stop putting off the things I've always wanted to do and those acts have contributed to my mental health. I also decided to stop trying to fight what I can't change. The situation at work will never change, so I have to find other work. I'm tired of having to work holidays and never spend quality time with Marcus (other than on vacation). I don't want us to grow apart because we never, ever see each other.

So, now the hard part begins...cleaning up the messes I've made for myself. Not just housecleaning messes (man, but there are plenty of those), but others messes, too. Financial messes, physical messes, emotional messes. It'll take time and work, but they can be cleaned up and I will be better at the end because of them.

I'm feeling really positive about where my life is going in 2011 and beyond. Maybe I'll even have a desire to focus on this poor, neglected blog again.

I'm at that raspy, hacking cough stage of being sick. You know, the kind of cough that is so hard that you sometimes puke or pee a little (not trying to be gross, just honest). A dude at work today told me that he had heard that rubbing Mentholatum or Vicks VapoRub on the soles of your feet and putting socks on is supposed to help. Lots of Googling is coming up with people claiming it works, but no real reason why. Well, my feet are rubbed and the socks are on. We will see how well this works shortly.

One thing that seems to be helping is sucking on popsicles. Sunflower Market carries a really awesome fruit bar that is made from real pureed fruit. I had a watermelon one on the drive home from the store after work. That's my favorite flavor. I also like the raspberry one, but it has a lot of little seeds.

Well, Potomac St is back open and we're now able to drive over the new bridge. One more step down for that off ramp for 17th street off I-225 into Fitzsimons. I so don't want to live around there when that is complete.

I've got to face the fact...my body is getting old.

I'm trying to work on a pair of crocheted earrings from the July/August issue of Crochet Today while I watch Lost streaming from Netflix on my PlayStation 3. I'm using a tiny steel size 12 (1mm) hook with crochet thread and I can NOT see the stitches. *sigh* I had to bust out my Ott light with the magnifier on it so I can work on these.

I knew my eyes were getting worse and it was time to go in for an exam and get some new glasses. This reinforced that thought. Oh, to be able to afford laser surgery.

Speaking of Crochet Today, that was the first and only issue I will ever buy. That magazine sucks. The earrings are the only thing in there that I will make. Most of the patterns are stereotypical of what people hate about crochet. Most of this stuff is FUGLY!

OK, gripe over for now. Off to crochet.

I was finally starting to feel well again, then...

Wham!

My weakened immune system couldn't fight off the cesspool of germs floating around my workplace. I am sick yet again. *sigh*

I'm not exactly sure what it is this time. I'm guessing stomach flu. I started getting stomach pains around 10am, threw up my breakfast at work and then had the runs all day. Fever was 102°F by the time I got home from work last night and I slept most of the time between 5pm and 10am this morning. My fever broke sometime last night. I remember waking up at one point soaked in sweat. Gross. My stomach is still queasy now, so I'm hesitant to eat. I'm a bit dehydrated, so I'm trying to keep some water down. I know it wasn't regular flu because I never felt weak and sore like regular flu makes me.

It's amazing how many people at work are sick and still come to work. I wish our supervisors would send these people home. Instead, they are worried about work not getting done. I wish they'd realize that by making that one person stay away, there would be more work accomplished in the long run instead of having the whole staff under the weather and not being as productive.

Anyway, hoping I'll feel better soon. I'm way behind on my Ravelympics* scarf. I had hoped to be at least halfway done by now, but I'm only about a third. Between coughing making me drop stitches and having to go back and fix them to just not having the energy to even knit, I'll be lucky if I pull this off. Also, I've got housework piling up and lots of things I need to take care of. Please send me good health vibes! I need all I can get.

If any of you follow me on Twitter, you may recall this tweet two weeks ago:


I got progressively worse all day. Despite having a fever, I went to work Thursday morning. I was miserable all day, though. I had no energy and had to get people carry heavy stuff for me. Finally, about 5:30pm, I begged my supervisor to let me go home early. On the way home, I knew I was in bad shape as I fogged up the windows in the car from the fever. I pulled out a thermometer as soon as I got home and saw this:


I uploaded the pic to Flickr (which posts to my Facebook page). Several of my friends first thought I had posted a pregnancy test. Uh, no...that would be way worse!

When my alarm went off the next morning, I knew there was no way I'd be going to work that day. I called in sick and went back to bed. In fact, I ended up calling in on Saturday, too. All I did for two days straight was shiver from fever and sleep. On Sunday, I started coughing like crazy. My chest started feeling heavy. I couldn't even sleep due to the crud coming out of my lungs. As soon as I could Monday morning, I drove myself to urgent care. The doctor listened to my breathing and immediately put me on a nebulizer to help me breathe. Then I got sent in for x-rays.


I knew at that moment that things were not good. Sure enough, the x-rays confirmed that I had Pneumonia in my lower right lung. That was a new one—I've never managed to contact Pneumonia before. I was also told that I had a severe bronchial infection. I was given an antibiotic shot in my bum, sent home with more antibiotics, an Advair inhaler and some cough syrup with codeine. I was also instructed not to return to work the rest of the week.

Things were going Ok after that except for the weird hallucinations that anything with codeine gives me. I slept here and there sitting up in my recliner. Tuesday night, though, I couldn't sleep at all. I was so tired, but I just couldn't sleep. By Wednesday afternoon, I was crying from frustration at not being able to sleep. I knew I'd never get well if my body didn't get some sleep. I called the clinic back to see if one of my medicines was causing it. They claimed the cough syrup should be knocking me out. I did some of my own research on Google and found that, in some people, codeine actually causes insomnia. I decided to experiment and see what would happen if I stopped taking the codeine cough syrup and I slept! After that, I only used the codeine stuff during the day and switched back to my generic NyQuil in the evenings.

Today was the first day that I ventured out to run some errands. I did Ok as far as coughing, but I was so exhausted by the time I got home. I'm back to work tomorrow. Hopefully, it will go well. It's going to take some time before I completely recover, though. I'm told it could take a month or better before I really feel better. Man, I realy hope I never contract this ever again. Nasty stuff.