Domestic Geek

Hey everybody...I'm through hiding from the world for a bit. I guess while I'm killing time here after my shift waiting for Marcus to get off so we can go home, I'll fill you all in on what's been up with me. As you can tell from my post almost a week ago, I was in a really dark, scary place last week. I hate it when I get like that. I don't know why Marcus puts up with it, but thank goodness that he does. After reading a post on Julie's site, I realized that my depression does get worse during that time of the month. Partner that with everything else that's been wrong lately and it's no wonder I slipped into the abyss for awhile.

I put the best face forward I could for Christmas, but I still really didn't feel it this year. We did have a nice Christmas Eve. Marcus made me go shopping with him. The nicest part was when we stopped into Home Depot so that we could get trash bags and I could pick up his small gift, it started snowing. That was kind of cool. We gathered at Mike and Nina's abode to exchange gifts and Nina prepared a really yummy spread. We also watched Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest. Even though I asked Marcus not to get me anything, he did. I'm trying to let go of the shame and guilt I feel and just be grateful. It's really hard, though. I did get some cool gifts from him and my friends. I got 3 of The Sims 2 expansions (Nightlife, Pets & Open for Business) — I've totally forgotten how to play The Sims! I wouldn't let myself play after the first couple of weeks of being unemployed because I was spending more time making my Sim life better than I was trying to find a job. I received $40 in iTunes gift cards. That goes great with the 30 GB video iPod Marcus got for me. I got a couple of geek books off my Amazon wishlist. Marcus' mom got us a really cool set of stainless steel nonstick cookware. I got 512 MB of additional RAM for my mac, a Home Depot gift card to get some more storage totes to organize some more of my Christmas stuff. I think that's it.

Marcus got me the ingredients to make a cheesecake for our Christmas dessert. I totally forgot my mixer bit the big one on Thanksgiving until I went to beat the cream cheese. D'oh! I drove over to Dad's apartment and snagged his. Unfortunately, we had to have the cheesecake the next day. It came out really good, though. I think it was the 2nd best cheesecake I've ever made. Yummy!

Marcus made an appointment with the vet for January 3rd. We're going to have to have Skippy put down. I'm torn about it. I was really hoping he would just pass quietly in his sleep, but it doesn't look like that's to be. All the poor dog does during his waking hours is twirl in circles. He can only rest when he's utterly exhausted from twirling. He can no longer walk in a straight line at all. He keeps falling on the linoleum floors (yet he won't stay on the carpet) and I keep finding him in a pool of his own urine and feces when I get home from work. We've tried to block his access to the linoleum, but he's intent on being on it. One of the reasons I didn't finish decorating the tree was because he kept getting tangled up in it. He can't get up and down the stairs at all anymore, so I have to carry him outside to do his business. Most of the time he won't do anything out there, though, especially since the blizzard.

It's going to be really weird not having a dog around. I've haven't been dogless since I was too young to remember. We decided we're not having another one until we're out of this shitty mobile home park, though. I need to concentrate on getting myself fixed financially and physically before I commit to getting another dog.

Well, guess that'll do it for now. Marcus is ready to go home.

I am so not feeling Christmas this year. I tried. I wanted to have a nice holiday. The spirit is just not there. I haven't shopped (hard to do with no money) and I don't want to shop. I haven't made cookies. I haven't finished decorating my tree that's been up for 3 weeks. I never made my cards, so that's not happening. I just feel like there is this big, huge black cloud hovering over me zapping all my energy and good feelings. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I tried to make a new template for this blog, but I abandoned that for now. I can't be creative when I'm like this. I hate being like this. I've been crying off and on for days. I don't even feel like eating. I had one meal today, and that's only because Marcus took me out to eat with Mike and Nina. It sucks. Life just feels so danged pointless. Christmas time used to be my favorite time of year. Now I can't wait for Tuesday to get here so this will all be over. What the hell is wrong with me? How did my life get so screwed up?

If you haven't heard yet, Colorado has been hit by the Holiday Blizzard 2006. Aurora has had 26" so far and it is still snowing. I was told to leave work an hour early yesterday and it took two and a half hours to get home (with a quick stop in the grocery store for food stuffs). I can't believe how many people I saw stuck spinning bald tires. Also, if you don't have 4WD and the snow drift is higher than your hood, you're probably not going to make it through. The stupidity of it all! I had to shovel the porch just to get into the house yesterday. Marcus loves it, though. We were out playing in it at midnight last night and again this morning. I'll post some pics over in the gallery in a little bit. Marcus is going to try and get his truck out later. There's a pretty big drift right in front of our house. We'll see.

My friend Russ has posted a video of the snow at his place.

So, Denver International Airport is closed. I'm so glad Dad left on Tuesday. They actually closed our workplace yesterday and only 7 people had made it in when I called this morning. A snow day would be cool if I was still getting paid like Marcus and Mike. *sigh* Oh, well. I've got puzzle pieces to search for and decorating to do.

OY, this is going to be a long-assed day. I had to take dad to the airport this morning. He's spending a couple of weeks out with my sister in California for the holidays. His flight leaves at 8:30 this morning, but as he wanted to make sure he got there in plenty of time, he wanted to be picked up at 5:30. The roads were clear and no waiting to get into the airport, so I dropped him off at a little after 6 am. Of course, I couldn't sleep last night. I couldn't go to sleep and then couldn't stay asleep. I hate how when you're afraid you're going to oversleep, you end up waking up every hour or so. I wish I had time to go back to sleep for an hour or so before I have to leave for work, but Marcus' alarm started going off at 7 and will go off every 10 minutes until he decides to roll out of bed. Oh, well. I almost wish that I would get to leave work early today...almost. I need money more than sleep at this point.

I had a bunch of stuff I was going to post, but now I can't remember. Too tired. I guess I'll keep a list at work and hopefully have something more interesting to say later.

Man, I swear I must have holes in my head. I had all these things I was thinking about on the drive home from work today that just slipped out by the time I got my computer booted. *sigh* I also make notes to myself when I'm at work about stuff, like things I want to do or a hexadecimal code for a color that I'd like to work into my site and danged if I can find those notes I made yesterday, either.

I think I caught my dog's diarrhea (just kidding about the catching it part — not the having it part).

I'm trying to fix my web site because something has been slowing the loading of it down and now it won't load at all. Marcus says our server is getting hammered. I hate hackers and spammers.