Domestic Geek

I am so not feeling Christmas this year. I tried. I wanted to have a nice holiday. The spirit is just not there. I haven't shopped (hard to do with no money) and I don't want to shop. I haven't made cookies. I haven't finished decorating my tree that's been up for 3 weeks. I never made my cards, so that's not happening. I just feel like there is this big, huge black cloud hovering over me zapping all my energy and good feelings. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I tried to make a new template for this blog, but I abandoned that for now. I can't be creative when I'm like this. I hate being like this. I've been crying off and on for days. I don't even feel like eating. I had one meal today, and that's only because Marcus took me out to eat with Mike and Nina. It sucks. Life just feels so danged pointless. Christmas time used to be my favorite time of year. Now I can't wait for Tuesday to get here so this will all be over. What the hell is wrong with me? How did my life get so screwed up?