Domestic Geek

Wow, I've got a lot on my plate today! I finally broke out of my depression a bit last night and started taking down my Christmas tree. Yes, it is still up. Not a smart move with a real tree. I need to finish that today. I need to try to get some of the stains out of the carpet. I'm going to make myself pack up Skippy's things. I glanced at them the other day, noticed they were empty and had to stop myself from filling them up.

Marcus' boss and her husband have some business they need to attend to in our area, so we're going to meet them for brunch later. I need to get off of this computer and get ready so we can leave when they call that they are done.

It's so freaking cold! It was 0°F yesterday morning when I went to work and had warmed to a mere 4°F as I was driving back home. It's below zero right now (different sites are giving me different readings) and will remain this cold for a few days. Yuck!

I need to develop a plan to get more money coming in now. I want to be out of the stupid mobile home park.

OK, I need to get moving. Much to do. Have a great Saturday everybody!

Hey all — sorry about my absence of late. First off, I jacked up my hand somehow on New Year's Eve. That or I've developed carpel tunnel. Either way, my right hand has been killing me. It hurt so bad on New Year's that I couldn't even sleep. I also couldn't take any pain killers since I'd been drinking over at Dave's get together. Typing and mousing has been excruciating. I was bummed about the Bronco loss on Sunday, but that was quickly overshadowed by the news that Darrent Williams had been murdered. All of that in conjunction with losing Skippy, I've been in a depressed fog all week. I'm also having insomnia again. No matter when I go to bed, I can't sleep. I haven't allowed myself to resort to NyQuil or anything to help me sleep this time, but I'm really dragging.

I had a breakdown yesterday when the vet that we took him to sent us a condolence card. That in itself wasn't so bad, it was very thoughtful. What really tore me up was a paper with The Rainbow Bridge story on it and Skippy's paw prints. I totally broke down crying. I miss him so badly. It is so weird coming into a dogless house.

I do have a big of good news, though. I finally got full time at work. Good thing with the lack of PPP money I've got coming in the next few weeks. I also probably got $1/hr raise, but the owner of the company has to approve it first. The HR lady told me he would more than likely approve it, but it all depended on the mood he is in when it crosses his desk. He has seemed to be upbeat, so keeping my fingers crossed on that one. Now I'm eligible for paid holidays. In 90 days, I get full paid benefits. I've never had a job with benefits before. I think I actually get paid vacation in a year, too. I'll have to look at the handbook.

I had other things to say, but can't remember right now and my hand is hurting. I guess that's it for now.

Today is Marcus' birthday. I'd tell you how old he is, but he'd get mad. He seems to think he's ancient. *sigh* I thought it was only women who worried about being old. lol

He, my dad and I went to the Old Spaghetti Factory downtown to celebrate. He wanted to get spaghetti with Mizithra cheese. I really wanted to get the staff to sing for him, but he wouldn't let me. He's weird that way. It was strange that the guy sitting at the very next table was also celebrating his birthday today.

Hey everybody...I'm through hiding from the world for a bit. I guess while I'm killing time here after my shift waiting for Marcus to get off so we can go home, I'll fill you all in on what's been up with me. As you can tell from my post almost a week ago, I was in a really dark, scary place last week. I hate it when I get like that. I don't know why Marcus puts up with it, but thank goodness that he does. After reading a post on Julie's site, I realized that my depression does get worse during that time of the month. Partner that with everything else that's been wrong lately and it's no wonder I slipped into the abyss for awhile.

I put the best face forward I could for Christmas, but I still really didn't feel it this year. We did have a nice Christmas Eve. Marcus made me go shopping with him. The nicest part was when we stopped into Home Depot so that we could get trash bags and I could pick up his small gift, it started snowing. That was kind of cool. We gathered at Mike and Nina's abode to exchange gifts and Nina prepared a really yummy spread. We also watched Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest. Even though I asked Marcus not to get me anything, he did. I'm trying to let go of the shame and guilt I feel and just be grateful. It's really hard, though. I did get some cool gifts from him and my friends. I got 3 of The Sims 2 expansions (Nightlife, Pets & Open for Business) — I've totally forgotten how to play The Sims! I wouldn't let myself play after the first couple of weeks of being unemployed because I was spending more time making my Sim life better than I was trying to find a job. I received $40 in iTunes gift cards. That goes great with the 30 GB video iPod Marcus got for me. I got a couple of geek books off my Amazon wishlist. Marcus' mom got us a really cool set of stainless steel nonstick cookware. I got 512 MB of additional RAM for my mac, a Home Depot gift card to get some more storage totes to organize some more of my Christmas stuff. I think that's it.

Marcus got me the ingredients to make a cheesecake for our Christmas dessert. I totally forgot my mixer bit the big one on Thanksgiving until I went to beat the cream cheese. D'oh! I drove over to Dad's apartment and snagged his. Unfortunately, we had to have the cheesecake the next day. It came out really good, though. I think it was the 2nd best cheesecake I've ever made. Yummy!

Marcus made an appointment with the vet for January 3rd. We're going to have to have Skippy put down. I'm torn about it. I was really hoping he would just pass quietly in his sleep, but it doesn't look like that's to be. All the poor dog does during his waking hours is twirl in circles. He can only rest when he's utterly exhausted from twirling. He can no longer walk in a straight line at all. He keeps falling on the linoleum floors (yet he won't stay on the carpet) and I keep finding him in a pool of his own urine and feces when I get home from work. We've tried to block his access to the linoleum, but he's intent on being on it. One of the reasons I didn't finish decorating the tree was because he kept getting tangled up in it. He can't get up and down the stairs at all anymore, so I have to carry him outside to do his business. Most of the time he won't do anything out there, though, especially since the blizzard.

It's going to be really weird not having a dog around. I've haven't been dogless since I was too young to remember. We decided we're not having another one until we're out of this shitty mobile home park, though. I need to concentrate on getting myself fixed financially and physically before I commit to getting another dog.

Well, guess that'll do it for now. Marcus is ready to go home.

I am so not feeling Christmas this year. I tried. I wanted to have a nice holiday. The spirit is just not there. I haven't shopped (hard to do with no money) and I don't want to shop. I haven't made cookies. I haven't finished decorating my tree that's been up for 3 weeks. I never made my cards, so that's not happening. I just feel like there is this big, huge black cloud hovering over me zapping all my energy and good feelings. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I tried to make a new template for this blog, but I abandoned that for now. I can't be creative when I'm like this. I hate being like this. I've been crying off and on for days. I don't even feel like eating. I had one meal today, and that's only because Marcus took me out to eat with Mike and Nina. It sucks. Life just feels so danged pointless. Christmas time used to be my favorite time of year. Now I can't wait for Tuesday to get here so this will all be over. What the hell is wrong with me? How did my life get so screwed up?