Domestic Geek

Current mood: confused
I feel lost.

I'm having one of those periods where I don't know who I am or where I'm going in life. I'm stuck in a rut and can't figure out how to get out of it. I'm doubting many of the choices I've made lately. I used to like being me and really took care of myself. I don't know why that changed. The death of KOA talk show host Ken Sasso (he was only 57) on Wednesday shocked me into realizing that I'd better figure out ways to get what I want out of life and make some pretty drastic changes before it's too late. The problem is I don't know what I really want.

I know I want a house and to get out of this stupid mobile home park. My neighbors suck ass and there are too many stupid cats around here. I miss having a garden. I know I want a better job, but what? I went to school to study web design and now that I'm finally taking the classes, I'm doubting that I can do this as a profession. I don't think I have what it takes to do this, as I'm finding that I can't be creative "on demand." I also hear the horror stories about dealing with clients and I don't think I can deal with that stupidity on a regular basis. I want to spend more time with my friends. I want to have some fun once in a while.

I hate my job but I can't leave it. Today I wanted to just walk out the front door and never come back. Unfortunately, I have too much debt to do such a rash thing. Things are getting worse at work and morale is lower than ever. The higher-ups say it's not, but I have a feeling my position is in jeopardy. Between skyrocketing cheese prices and a manager at the other store that can't control his labor costs, the owner is looking for ways to save money. The prep job is usually the second thing to go after manager bonuses get cut. Since the managers didn't get their bonuses this month, is it any wonder that I'm getting worried about my job?

I've also been wondering if I made a mistake about not having children. As messed up as I've let my life become lately, it's probably a good thing that I didn't. I still wonder if that's a decision I'm going to regret when (if) I get old.

I'm sure alot of this despair I'm feeling is from the fact that I'm burned out and I have no money. I also don't sleep well. I need a vacation badly. School doesn't go on summer break until mid-July. That's four months away. The dough situation at work is so screwed up that I've had to work every damn day. If I take time off, I don't get paid. I also need to go to the dentist, but, no money. I've got a couple of teeth that need to come out and they hurt all the time. I'm also beginning to realize that my weight is a factor in my sleeplessness. My arms go numb in the middle of the night and wake me up (too much weight on nerves?). I may also be developing Sleep Apnea. It's not uncommon among the very obese and could explain why I wake up all the time.

I wish I could just take a couple of months off from everything to rest, relax and meditate on where I want to be and figure out how to get there. Adults should be allowed to take three month summer vacations.

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Current mood: amused
So, here is today's horoscope:


Have they met my bosses? Helloooo, nobody in my store has gotten a raise in years. I certainly never will. Man, that horoscope is too funny. I'm glad I don't base my whole life on those, but they're good for a chuckle once in a while.

I tried one of Wendy's new Spinach Chicken Salads for dinner. It was really good. It came with a sweet & sour bacon dressing that sounded nasty, but was actually pretty good. It was well worth the $3.99 I paid for it.

I forgot to mention that poor Skippy got himself in a bind yesterday, literally. As I was getting ready to go to work, I heard a thud come from the bedroom. I knew he had been sleeping on the bed and thought he had rolled off in his sleep. I went in to check on him and found him all tangled up in the old, shredded-up comforter we keep on top of the bed to protect the good comforter from the dog. I tried to untangle him and he panicked. He started flailing around screaming in pain. I finally had to just scoop him up and put him back on the bed to get him calm enough to get him untangled. I was afraid he had broken or strained something, but he was fine. Goofy mutt!