Domestic Geek

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Whoops, totally slipped my mind to do a 100 Fact yesterday. Oh, well...it didn't say anywhere they had to be 100 consecutive days, right?

I was way too angry yesterday and then I slipped into a horrible depression. Hormones from my period, the stress of no money, the empty feeling in my body because I'm not eating right, the worthlessness I'm feeling because I can't find work, the anger I still feel for my old place of employment, the annoyance I have of the whole job-searching practice, the dreariness of living somewhere that hasn't ever felt like home, the frustration of dealing with stupid people, the sadness I feel letting go of stuff I've carried around with me for 15–20 years that has lost the sentimental attachment it once had, the lonliness I feel because I can't connect with people and I still miss my Mom after almost 10 years, the disappointment I have in what I've let my life and my body become...it was all too much. I snapped.

It all started when I was going though old pictures and found one of myself from high school. I never thought I was attractive then, but looking back I was darned cute. I had my Farrah hair, a good tan from a band trip or band camp, I was only 40–50 pounds overweight but I was excercising because of Marching Band. Plus, I've always had pretty eyes. *sigh* I know I'll never look like that again, but I've got to get healthy again.

I still wonder now why guys in high school never asked me out. I only ever went out on one date in high school and that was a huge mistake. I've written before about how I always felt invisible. I always had more guy friends than girls, but I was always thought of as "one of the guys." Since I've lost contact with anybody I went to high school with, I guess it will always be one of my life's little mysteries.

So, I told you all that I painted the bulbs for my garland the other day. They're dry and I put them back in their sockets and back in the light strings only to realize I goofed. First, I had only bought one 20-light set thinking it would be long enough. It wasn't, so I picked up a second one. Well, they're not end-to-end strings—it's one of those male/female sockets all in one. Grrrrrrr. Of course, these strings have 6-volt bulbs that I can't put into a longer string. The 35-light string takes 3.5 volt bulbs and the 50 and 100 light sets I have take 2.5-volt bulbs. I learned my lesson before by trying to put the wrong voltage bulbs in a light string. *sigh* I'll just have to think of something to make this work. If only I knew where the green extension cords I bought a few years ago had disappeared.

I'm so mad right now I could burst!

I have nobody to blame for my situation but myself, but it's things like what happened today that really makes me want to beat somebody's brains out.

I called the credit union that has my car loan last week to try to work something out with skipping a couple of payments until my unemployment kicks in. The lady on the phone said no problem, you just need to apply for an extension and payments would resume in September. She sends me the form I need to fill out. I'm in the middle of filling out said form when I get a call from her supervisor. Apparently, they've tightened their policy regarding such things. Since I'm currently late, I probably can't get one. BUT, I can go ahead and send the paperwork in even though it would more than likely be a huge waste of my time. Nice. I could probably get one if I got my payments up to date, but if I had the money to get my payment up to date, I wouldn't need the fucking extension. Grrrrr!

Man, I've really got myself into a big pile of it this time.

What is going on today?

When I got up this morning, there was no Internet connection at all. By the time Marcus had gotten up, it was back up, but crawling. I saw a Comcast truck in the neighborhood and figured all would be well soon. I went to Marcus' bank and their machines were crawling. Now that I'm home again, it's better, but no where near the usual surfing speed I normally get.

I keep getting errors tying to check my gmail, too. *sigh*

Oh, well. It's not like I don't have other stuff to do. Marcus and I decided to get all of our stuff out of storage by the end of next month. If we can't find a place for it here in the home, we're getting rid of it. We could've just replaced everything at a fututre date for the amount of money it has been costing us to store it. Stupid. Of course, we hadn't planned on being in mobile home parks this long. What started out as a year until we can find land to put it on has turned into eight and we are still not in a position to find land. We've both had it with living here. Aurora sucks. This part of Aurora sucks even worse than others. The housing bubble in Colorado has started a slow leak and hopefully soon it will outright burst and maybe land will get down to an affordable price again.