Domestic Geek

I came across this site a couple of weeks ago and meant to blog about it and totally forgot. Although tagged as an Internet business blog, James Brausch's writings can pertain to almost anyone's life. He has written several articles that "hit home" as to why I'm stuck and have not succeeded in any of the goals I have set forth for myself. In "Three Major Causes of Failure," he writes that one of the reasons why people don't succeed is they don't take action. I personally have learned a lot, both through life experience and school, yet I have failed to turn that knowledge into action. "Attitude Check" talks about the problems of focusing on the problems instead of working on solutions.

"Creative Thinking… or Gearing Up the Old Brain!" dealt with stimulating one's brain into thinking. It turns out those showers I always take when I've hit a creative block or just need to think are exactly the right course of action!

As far as his writings on Internet business, he offers guidance on product creation, traffic generation and copywriting. His easy-to-read style and practical advice are two things that are going to keep me coming back to his site for more.

I've written before about how I'd benefit from being able to relax and I feel I need to learn to meditate. I ran across a Self Help Book I'd like to get called Simone and Elvis: Why Act Like a Mouse When You're Really a Cat?

This beautifully illustrated book of fables and inspirational quotations ... where the reader will understand in a fun, entertaining and insightful way, how the mind often puts us in a negative space and how we can recognize that within us.

The site also features some free flash videos designed to help you relax. I tried those last night and I actually had the first good night's sleep I've had in awhile.

It's Saturday. I didn't go to sleep until around 11pm. Why the hell was I awake at 5am? I tried for another half hour to go back to sleep, but I got up. Figured I can always get a nap in later if I start to crash.

I'm sure it's just my mind telling me that I've got a lot I need to accomplish this weekend and it's not going to let me get out of it.

While washing some dishes, I did get to see a beautiful rainbow briefly before the rain hit. Brrrr. It's a cold, windy rain. Oh, well...we need the moisture. Fire danger has been extemely high lately.

While sorting through junk, I found a packet of Lemon Cucumbers and a mini greenhouse with peat pellets that I bought last year. I doubt they'll grow, but I planted them anyway. Lemon cucumbers are really tasty. If they sprout, I'll have to put them in pots outside. I don't dare eat anything grown in the dirt around here. I really miss having a full-blown garden. A real estate agent sent Blue Spruce seedlings to people in the Larkspur area. The office manager was going to throw it out, but I took it. I'm going to try and nurture it and by the time it's big enough to plant outside, we'll be out of this hellhole.

It's amazing how many started craft projects I have. I'm torn about throwing some of those out since I already put a lot of time and effort into them. I have to seriously answer the question about whether I'll actually finish it and if I do, what would I do with the finished project? If it is just going to sit in a box for another 10 years, what's the point of wasting even more time and effort. I did throw out a huge pile of Granny Squares I had crocheted. There were also a bunch that my mother and grandmother had done. Since Grandma passed in 1984 and Mom in 1997, was I really going to make anything out of them? Doubt it. I already have a huge Granny Square bedspread that mom made for me in college that I never use. The dogs would always get their nails caught in it and it's too big and bulky to use on the couch. *sigh* I don't want to get rid of it since it's the last thing my mom made for me. Maybe I can take it apart and turn it into a couple fo smaller afghans. We'll see. Definitely a project for the future. Do you remember how Granny Square clothing was really popular in the '70s? I found an online pattern for a Granny Square Poncho that made me giggle. Mom used to make ponchos and vests for me and I'd have wear them to school. Oh...the horror!

I've got to get my life organized and back on track. I'm not allowing myself to dig into the "Teach Yourself Knitting" kit that Marcus' mother got me for Christmas until I do. I really want to get good enough to make sweaters and socks for myself like Mac does. Every time I see that she's finished a project, I want to delve into learning to knit.

I found this article about the Astrological signs of Billionaires via Amy. What the hell am I doing wrong? LOL

Well, I guess that is enough procrastinating for one morning. Have a great day!

I've had a major shift of viewpoint lately. It could be because I've been so poor recently or it could be that as I'm nearing 40, my whole outlook on what's important in life has changed. I'm focusing less on material THINGS. I think back on all the time I wasted driving around looking for wrestling figures (hundred of dollars wrapped up and I can get about $20 for them on eBay), Star Trek stuff, scrapbooking supplies...How much money I wasted on junk that is never used...how much money I've spent storing that stuff in a storage unit...how much money I've wasted on pop/Starbucks/food to make myself almost 300 pounds...IT MAKES ME SICK! There is stuff I've been throwing away in the craft room that I ask myself, "Why in the world did I think that I ever needed that?" I could've had the life I wanted by now with a house and a garden and such, but I wallowed and spent foolishly and I have nobody to blame for where I am now but me.

I knew I was having a shift when I walked all the way through Hobby Lobby one day and didn't find one thing I really wanted to buy. The only things I want to buy now have a purpose. I need some things for my business. I need some books for some things I'm trying to learn. I need some new clothes. I need healthy food. I need to save for a vacation.

I think I was buying stuff to try and fill the emptiness in my life. Trying to numb the pain of being an outcast and being lonely. Don't get me wrong, I know I have people in my life that love me. Marcus has been the rock that has kept me relatively sane. The problem is I haven't been loving me. I took a turn in college where I really liked myself to really hating myself. I started letting myself be abused by people, started expecting less of myself, started giving up on my dreams, started gaining a lot of weight. The problems compounded when my mother died and my sister turned on me. I became an extremely angry, depressed, hopeless person. I'm trying to let all the anger and resentment go. It's not healthy and it serves no purpose except to keep me stuck.

It dawned on me as I was sifting through junk last night that I have been wanting to start my own business for over 17 years. Mom and I used to talk about starting something long before I met Marcus (our 14th anniversary is coming up). What has been holding me back? I wish I knew. I still don't know. It can't be fear of my life getting worse, because it is sucking pretty bad right now. Moving forward with my design business will be the greatest thing I can do for myself right now. I'm never going to get rich working hard everyday for somebody else.

Well, all of that being said, time for me to get back to work. Have a great day, everybody!

Once again: I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!

I'm having a hard time believing that 2006 is already a quarter finished.

I've written on here before about how I'm getting rid of the clutter in my life. Today I tackled a couple of boxes in the craft room. In one of those, I found a baby afghan I started when I found out my supposed "best friend" from school was pregnant...in 1984! It's been sitting in a box that I've been lugging around for almost 22 years. It struck me how that was a symbol of my whole life. I have these dreams, I have all of these plans, yet I never attain them. I never really finish anything. My whole life has been filled with "I should have," "I wish I had done," etc. I put tons of energy into getting started on something (buying supplies, making the plan), but never really getting anything out of it. My whole life is cluttered with unfulfilled ambitions and meaningless junk.

I'm reading a book that my old friend from college got me about 2 years ago. It's called 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace. She saw in me that I struggle with who I am and what I really want to be doing in my life. When she got it for me, I wasn't ready to read it and put in in a drawer. I found it the other day and started reading it. He quoted Tolstoy's character Ivan Ilyich, who said, "What if my whole life has been wrong?" That quote really got me thinking. I'm going to be 40 in a little over five months. I don't want to waste any more time thinking "I wish I could've..." or "Why did I never..." and just make my dreams happen. I'm tired of the excuses I feed myself about why my life is the way it is.

Anyway, I can't remember exactly where I was going with all of this. I guess just that I'm still not in a good place yet. While the job I have now is closer than anything I've ever had to want I want to be doing, it's still not a great fit. I don't have any benefits, the personalities there clash really bad and I'm not making enough money to pay my bills, let alone have any extra to do anything for myself. I'm keeping an eye out for another job while I start freelancing. I'm the most skilled employee and the least paid. Not cool. I just can't let myself stay there because I'm afraid or too lazy to get what I really want. I don't want to make another long-term mistake like pizza was.

I wish I had another day off. I have so much I need to do and work is just getting in the way. I spent a good portion of this weekend shaving the skunk-infused fur off of my dog. I still have some really matted stuff around his neck to get, but he's almost done. Hopefully that incident will never repeat. My house still smells. Ewwww.

Well, I guess I'd better head off to bed. Even though it doesn't feel like 11;20, the clock says it is. Getting up tomorrow is going to be a bitch.