Domestic Geek

Hi Everyone! Did you miss me?

Sorry about being MIA, but I've had a lot on my mind. I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I've gotten to where I am in life and how to get where I really want to be. Don't misunderstand, I don't have a bad life—I'm just not where I thought I'd be by now. I am not realizing my full potential. Someone as gifted and smart as I shouldn't be making $25,000/yr. In fact, this is the least amount of money I've made in a long time. I also shouldn't be living in a mobile home park. I can't blame anybody but myself. I've made every choice that has me where I am. I'm learning a lot about how one's thoughts keeps one stuck. Not just emotionally and mentally, but physically, as well. For instance, no matter what I eat or what amount of exercise I get, I've been stuck at the same weight for a long time.

Somewhere deep in my subconscious I keep myself exactly where I am now. Letting go of pizza was a huge step, but I keep dreaming that I've gone back to work there. I even toyed with the idea of delivering pizzas again because I'm dead broke right now. My final student loan kicks in next month and I don't even have money for food right now. Don't know where another $200+ is going to come from. Top it off with owing taxes this year. No wonder I'm seeking the security of the familiar. Turns out it might be chemically programmed into my very cells to keep wanting to suffer at a pizza job since I did it so long.

I watched an interesting movie yesterday called "What the #$*! Do We Know!?". A coworker suggested it as it pertains to a lot of the mind over matter type of thinking I've been exploring lately. It was so interesting, in fact, that I watched it again this morning. They even have a website at whatthebleep.com. I'm not taking things said in the movie as gospel, but they touched on things I've heard and pondered before. I've loved listening to Dr. Michio Kaku talk about quantum physics on Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell and on The Screensavers on TechTv. Even though most of the theories are way over my head, it definitely gives me a lot to think about.

The movie referenced the work of a Japanese researcher named Masaru Emoto that studied the effects of human vibrational energy, thoughts, words, ideas and music on the molecular structure of water. Postive thoughts and words produced a totally different crystalline structure in the water than negative ones. Extemely fascinating, considering the human body is composed of mostly water. Deep stuff, I tell you.

So, the whole point of all of this is: I'm tired of being stuck living in my box. I'm beginning an experiment of growth and enlightenment. In a year, I want to be in a totally different place (physically and mentally). I'll keep you guys up to speed on how that is going.

Speaking of being poor, it has done one thing for me—my kitchen cabinets are practically bare. Marcus and I have been eating food that has been in there for a couple of years (or more). I know the bag of elbow macaroni I ate one night had been purchased before we moved back to Aurora over three years ago. *sigh* Since my performance review is over 3.5 months away, I've got to start bringing in more cash in other ways. Things are going up on eBay and I'm starting my design business. I keep saying I'll start it when I get new business cards, I'll get a new mac first, I'll be ready when              . I can't wait anymore. There is really no good reason why I have put it off. I'm scared. I won't find clients. I won't make any money. Bah! I'm good at this and people will pay me. I just have to find them. This next week I'm going to work on getting my business site and portfolio up on the web. Meanwhile, if anybody you know needs some graphic design work done, let me know!!!!!

OK, enough of this for now. I've got some housecleaning to do and a movie from a coworker I need to watch.

Edited: The movie was State of Grace and it SUCKED!