I absolutely
LOVE the current
Apple iPod ad campaign that features neon colored backgrounds with silhouettes dancing with iPods. That's why I had to post this
Foxtrot cartoon:
Apparently, a lot of people
emailed Bill Amend because they didn't get this comic because they hadn't seen the iPod ads. Just to be safe, here is an example of one:
Posted by LaDonna at 04:33 PM on 01/30/04 • Permalink •
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Deep in the back woods of West Virginia, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Posted by LaDonna at 08:22 AM on 01/17/04 • Permalink •
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For anybody who has ever owned an iMac or ever had to use one of them stupid Apple hockey puck mice:
Posted by LaDonna at 10:29 PM on 12/12/03 • Permalink •
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Abbott & Costello at the PC Store
If you remember the classic comedy routine "Who's on first" by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, the following puts them in the 21st century:
ABBOTT: Hello--Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. How may I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den and I'm thinking of buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No; my name is Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you my name is Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and some software.
ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No; on the computer. I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know; run a business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommended something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Okay; what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes; for my office.
ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows. Let's say I'm sitting at my computer and want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about word for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie on the Internet?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Now what do I need to watch it?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Okay; so I'm at my computer and want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: Of course, it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in office for windows.
ABBOTT: No; just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes; although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other words.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Never mind. I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans and so on. What do you have to help me with my money?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: Not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Exactly and no extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?
ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
COSTELLO: Well; it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: You sell money?
ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: MYOB? What does that stand for?
ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
ABBOTT: No; that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know ..... accounting? You do it with money.
ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
COSTELLO: More money?
ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay? Let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I do to restore my data?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer crashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
ABBOTT: I never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word - the Word in the Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But that's three words in.....oh never mind---click
ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me??? Oh, well. Hello--Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you?
Posted by LaDonna at 03:44 AM on 12/10/03 • Permalink •
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A coworker sent this to me. It frightens me a little that something like this could happen in the not-too-distant future if we're not careful:
Operator: "Thank you for calling (insert pizza chain name here). How may I serve you?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order."
Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas..."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "Damn. What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What's the damage?"
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."
Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer: "How the hell do you know I'm riding a bike?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be using it."
Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop."
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our advert's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics."
Posted by LaDonna at 04:12 PM on 12/05/03 • Permalink •
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Name: LaDonna
