Domestic Geek

DOG HAIKU

I love my human;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long dead squirrel.

I lie belly up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds - I celebrate
By kissing your face

I sound the alarm!
Paper boy-come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend - come to kill us all!
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle

How do I love thee?
The ways are as numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

I Hate my choke chain
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack!
Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin -
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe chasing cats

The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls

Dig under the fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
there. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much as I do.

My owners' mood is
Romantic-I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.