Thursday, July 13, 2006

Thu
13
Jul
2006

I’m Having a Breakdown & The New Tattered Cover Location

My stress is causing insomnia again. My dog won't let me try to sleep tonight. I might as well post.

I wish I had remembered what day it was earlier. The second Thursday of every month is psychic night on 850 KOA Rick Barber's show. That was my favorite night back when I made dough. I caught the last 15 minutes of it.

Looking at my Branica stats, I remembered something I wanted to post about: I don't like the new Tattered Cover location.

Since it was rainy and dreary last Saturday and I had to take Marcus' deposit to the bank anyway, I decided to head down there to check it out. It's on Colfax a couple of blocks east of University. My first impression was not good: there was a bunch of construction going on in that area and it took forever just to get into the parking lost. Then, the parking garage is tiny with not enough room for two cars to pass each other in the turns. I almost gave up at that point. I decided to press on. I made the mistake of entering through the "cafe" door. An employee was set up at a table right inside the door giving out samples of something. The group around her was blocking the entrance and impeding my retreat from the rain. When I finally made my way in, my heart sank. It seemed old and dingy already. One of the great things about the old location was the multiple floors to disperse the crowds. Not so here. The shelves were tightly packed into only two floors. There were no places to escape people like at the old one. Seating is limited. Every time I tried to browse a section, I was in somebody's way. After a little over a half hour, my claustrophobia got the best of me and I had to get out of there. I was not impressed. I may try to give it another chance next week since I'll be unemployed. Maybe it will be better during the week when the weather is better. We'll see.

As for my breakdown: I got news yesterday that the trade show place I wanted to work for went with someone else. The headwear place reposted their listing on Craigslist, yet didn't call me. I resubmitted my resume, but am losing hope about that. I have two days of work left, no job prospect and I'm starting to panic. Out of curiosity, I looked at my biorhythm widget and all of my waves are at a low point. My ruling planet, Mercury, is in retrograde. Yay. I sank into horrible despair yesterday. The tiniest thing sent me bawling. I keep trying to remain positive, but I'm slipping. I racked up $50,000 in student loan debt, got out of school over a year ago and I'm worse off than I've been at almost any time in my adult life except for the period I had living in Colorado Springs. People keep telling me how talented I am, so how come I can't get a job?

Our office manager is fixing a big lunch for us today as kind of a going away thing for me. That's going to be hard to deal with. It'd be OK if I was leaving with another job lined up. A couple of days ago, the owner said he wanted to talk to me before my last day (about what?--there's really nothing to talk about), but he's more interested in getting ready for his Lake Powell trip next week. One of the franchise owners is taking me out to dinner this evening as a "thank you" for the work I did. She knows a lot of people, I'd like to keep her as a contact. Maybe that could lead to something. Who knows?

Well, I guess I'll go into work a little early today. I've got a little bit of work to do on the database, yet. I need to clean my machine off and back up my data. I'll be glad to be gone from there, I just wish I had somewhere new to go.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Wed
5
Jul
2006

Just Breathe

My body and brain are going into panic mode. This knowing I'm going to be unemployed really sucks. I've gained almost 10 pounds since I found out I'm going to be unemployed soon. I haven't changed what I'm eating (I'm actually eating less), but the stress is just making me hang onto every calorie. *sigh* I can't think straight. I'm chewing my nails to the point of bleeding. I had a panic attack a couple of hours ago to boot. I had a horrible urge to flee. I ended up going out for a drive during lunch to try to calm down. I just wanted to get on the highway and go home. I only have to do this 7 more days.

I had such a nice, peaceful day here on Monday. I closed the whole office out--blocked the air conditioning vent, closed the door, opened the window. Today, my office mate is doing everything he can to push my buttons. Grrr. He's got headphones--I wish he'd use them. I swear, it's almost like he is trying to get me to go off on him. I'll remain calm and I will prevail.

I discovered something really sucky last night. Twenty-five of my iTunes songs are gone. They're ones that I purchased with Pepsi caps last year. Apple doesn't let you redownload them, either. It's like I lost a couple of CDs. I drank Pepsi just to get those darned caps...I don't even like Pepsi. I went to play O-Zone's Dragostea Din Tei and it is nowhere to be found. Looking at my past purchases on iTunes and with the help of Marcus, I discoverd many songs disappeared around May of last year. I have no idea what happened to them. I guess if I win more Blingo certificates, I'll replace them. Otherwise, I'll have to wait until I get more moolah coming in. Here's what I lost for future reference:
I Know You're Out There SomewhereThe Moody Blues
Imaginary LoverAtlanta Rhythm Section
TimeThe Alan Parsons Project
Baby Come BackPlayer
Rollin'Limp Bizkit
Break StuffLimp Bizkit
Theme from ShaftIsaac Hayes
Killing in the NameRage Against the Machine
CloserNine Inch Nails
DreamsThe Cranberries
It's My LifeNo Doubt
Falling Away From MeKorn
Make Me BadKorn
Got the LifeKorn
Self ControlLaura Brannigan
Your Wildest DreamsThe Moody Blues
Woo HooThe 5.6.7.8's
SupermodelRuPaul
Just Lose ItEminem
Rich GirlGwen Stephani
TennesseeArrested Development
Times Like TheseFoo Fighters
The Ketchup Song (Asereje)Las Ketchup
My Favorite GameThe Cardigans
Dragostea Din Tei (Original Romanian Version)O-Zone
What Are You Waiting For?Gwen Stefani

Monday, July 03, 2006

Mon
3
Jul
2006

Mondays Suck

Two weeks from today I won't have to be psyching myself up to face the drive to a job in Larkspur anymore. Yay for that. Boo for still not having another job lined up yet. I did have an interview on Friday, but the job is only part time. I'd really like to work there, though. I'm contemplating applying at the Apple Store part time and freelancing if they offer me that job. The place does trade show stuff. Large format, beautiful stuff. She really liked me, but has several interviews to do yet. We'll see. I'll know by the 14th one way or the other. She kept alluding to the the fact that they want me. She really liked the fact that I had built my portfolio case from scratch. Maybe if I get in there, I'll wow them so much that they will eventually offer full time. Who knows? I'm still looking, though.

I really don't want to go down there today. The stupid owner took a 4-5 day weekend (I think he gets back on Wednesday), yet we all still have to go in to work today. The only bright spot is my office mate is out of town, so I can close the door and be alone to work on this stupid Filemaker database I'm working on. At least the drive today should've be too bad.

I'm so tired. My old dog pants alot. Not because he's hot, but because of some weird psychological thing going on in his old dog brain. His internal clock starts him doing this at 5am every morning, no matter what time he goes to sleep. Last night, he kept doing it until he went to sleep (around midnight, finally). *sigh* Some have told us to put him down, but I don't think he's ready. He's still got energy. He still controls his bodily funcitons. He just can't see well, he's lost his sense of smell and he gets a little confused. He's just old. I just wish he'd knock off this weird panting thing.

I finally decided to start watch the tv series 24. I never bothered with it on television because I really didn't have room to record it and I don't watch live television if I can help it. I noticed it on Netflix, so I decided to give it a shot. I didn't realize there were 5 seasons of it! Oi Vey, this is going to take awhile! I watched the first disk yesterday. Not too bad.

I really had something else to post about, but danged if I can remember what it is right at the moment. I guess It'll have to wait until I get to work.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Wed
28
Jun
2006

iPod Bit the Dust

Why does it seem that everything breaks or falls apart when you have no money?

My poor old iPod is toast. I plugged it in at work the other day and it wouldn't mount. Here at home, I got it to mount a couple of times to start transferring data off of it, but it kept crashing my Finder. I managed to get all but the music off of it. *sigh* It's the same problem I had before. The firewire port comes loose from the motherboard. Since Marcus no longer works at his old place of employment, there is nobody to fix it this time. Oh, well. I did get almost three more years' use out of it. I just wish I could've backed up my iTunes library first. There seem to be IDE adapters on the market for these 1.8" ipod drives. Maybe when I have some money again, I'll try one.

UPDATE: Well, I held the firewire cable just right to transfer the music folder. I couldn't move my hand for over 10 minutes. OW! At least I can rest easy that I got all of my stuff off the ipod.

Madagascar Soundtrack—I Like to Move It

Monday, June 26, 2006

Mon
26
Jun
2006

Monday Stuff

I am finding it increasingly difficult to care about my current workplace. They should've just let me go with a severence, y'know? Like you're going to get my full attention for the next three weeks. It's hard enough to finish out a two week notice period when you're the one that initiated it. Try doing a month when your employer is letting you go and there are too many designers working here. It's a good thing Independence Day is next week and I get that day off. It's so tempting to call in, but I can't afford to have them dock my pay, y'know?

I made it over to the Tattered Cover on Saturday. It wasn't any more busy than ususal. The sad thing was that all of the comfy reading chairs had already been taken out. They had some folding chairs set around, but not really conducive to sitting back to enjoy the atmosphere. I was talking to one of the employees about their move and he had said that everything was going to be moved in one day. According to a piece on saw on WB2 news this morning, they did it. I'll go check out the new digs later this week.

Marcus and I went to Finn McCool's for dinner last night. I had a gift certificate that expires on 6/30, so that was the last opportunity we had to use it. It's in a really bad spot, though. It's up on Arapahoe & I-25 and unless you know it's there, you'd never see it. I had a Buttermilk Fried Chicken breast. Not too bad. The broccoli was really tasty. I'd go again if it was closer. The pool is free, so Marcus and I played a couple of games. Man, I am so out of practice. I used to be really good, but now, not so good. It was good to do something a little different for once.

Well, I thought I had lots to say, but can't really think of anything else.