Domestic Geek

Whoops, totally slipped my mind to do a 100 Fact yesterday. Oh, well...it didn't say anywhere they had to be 100 consecutive days, right?

I was way too angry yesterday and then I slipped into a horrible depression. Hormones from my period, the stress of no money, the empty feeling in my body because I'm not eating right, the worthlessness I'm feeling because I can't find work, the anger I still feel for my old place of employment, the annoyance I have of the whole job-searching practice, the dreariness of living somewhere that hasn't ever felt like home, the frustration of dealing with stupid people, the sadness I feel letting go of stuff I've carried around with me for 15–20 years that has lost the sentimental attachment it once had, the lonliness I feel because I can't connect with people and I still miss my Mom after almost 10 years, the disappointment I have in what I've let my life and my body become...it was all too much. I snapped.

It all started when I was going though old pictures and found one of myself from high school. I never thought I was attractive then, but looking back I was darned cute. I had my Farrah hair, a good tan from a band trip or band camp, I was only 40–50 pounds overweight but I was excercising because of Marching Band. Plus, I've always had pretty eyes. *sigh* I know I'll never look like that again, but I've got to get healthy again.

I still wonder now why guys in high school never asked me out. I only ever went out on one date in high school and that was a huge mistake. I've written before about how I always felt invisible. I always had more guy friends than girls, but I was always thought of as "one of the guys." Since I've lost contact with anybody I went to high school with, I guess it will always be one of my life's little mysteries.

What is going on today?

When I got up this morning, there was no Internet connection at all. By the time Marcus had gotten up, it was back up, but crawling. I saw a Comcast truck in the neighborhood and figured all would be well soon. I went to Marcus' bank and their machines were crawling. Now that I'm home again, it's better, but no where near the usual surfing speed I normally get.

I keep getting errors tying to check my gmail, too. *sigh*

Oh, well. It's not like I don't have other stuff to do. Marcus and I decided to get all of our stuff out of storage by the end of next month. If we can't find a place for it here in the home, we're getting rid of it. We could've just replaced everything at a fututre date for the amount of money it has been costing us to store it. Stupid. Of course, we hadn't planned on being in mobile home parks this long. What started out as a year until we can find land to put it on has turned into eight and we are still not in a position to find land. We've both had it with living here. Aurora sucks. This part of Aurora sucks even worse than others. The housing bubble in Colorado has started a slow leak and hopefully soon it will outright burst and maybe land will get down to an affordable price again.

For possible future reference:

The coolest catalog when I was teaching music was Music in Motion. They have a web site: MusicinMotion.com. Now I can throw that old catalog I've been keeping away.

Well, the bed won but I couldn't stay there long. Inconsiderate neighbors blaring Mexican polka music forced me to retreat from my bedroom. Jerks.

I also had one of those moments where I hear somebody yell my name sharply, but nobody is here. *shiver* I hate that. Does that happen to anybody else, or just to me? It would be fine if it was a warning to keep me from walking into traffic or something, but no. Just out of the blue. For no reason. Grrr.

I got all the bulbs painted for my sunflower garland. I practiced casting on kntting. Between the "I Taught Myself Knitting" kit Marcus' mom got me for Christmas and the videos on KnittingHelp.com, I may get the hang of this yet! I may go read the Knitting for Dummies book at some point, too. I think I'll tackle painting my shelf after I have lunch.

So, I'm all alone today. Normally, I'd be ok with that. It's making me feel blue today, though.

Marcus is out with a pack of guys from his old place of employment. A former co-worker of theirs is in town for the weekend and they are going to go stomp around up in the mountains. It's drizzly today, so he ought to enjoy that. Marcus loves the rain! Marcus invited me to tag along, but I didn't want to hinder their "guy bonding" (none of the other guys are bringing their SOs).

My poor old dog fell in the kitchen last night and couldn't get up. I found him this morning spread-eagle by the refrigerator in a puddle of his own urine. He must've been really scared. I wished he would've barked or whined or something to get my attention. He's worn out from trying to get up. I'll have to try and give him a bath later when he recovers. Poor guy. I'm not sure how much longer he's going to be with us.

I want to try all of these cool things I'm finding for Expression Engine, but I can't until I can afford to upgrade mine. yay. Oh, well...I need to make a new layout, anyway.

I am all crampy and bloated today. Part of me feels like crawling into bed and staying there all day. The other part of me won't let me because my to-do list is huge! I'm thinking the bed side is going to win here shortly.