When I upgraded to Expression Engine 2 awhile back, several of my plugins broke. One of them was the music player I had to embed mp3s into my blog posts. It was cool, except that it used flash. When I was deleting paid posts, I realized that broken player made their posts error out. I was browsing the EE forums looking for a solution when I saw a mention about using HTML 5. I asked Marcus about it and he showed me what I needed to do to make that work. I got bummed out when I realized how out of touch I've become with web coding (I've basically stopped coding since I started my current job 8 years ago). Marcus suggested a book to read, so I'm itching to learn more. I used to be really good at this stuff, I really want to be again.
Posted by LaDonna at 07:19 PM on 11/09/14 • Permalink •
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Even though it is only Saturday night, here I am having a panic attack at the thought of returning to work on Monday. I'm trying to be grateful this all happened as it has been a wake-up call of how little I'm valued despite having my 8th anniversary with that company just yesterday. I know better things are out there, I just have to stay calm before I do something stupid - I have a hard time biting my tongue.
On a better note, I've been purging my blog of paid posts. It feels good every time I select a few and hit delete. It's definitely going to take a while, though. It'll be nice to finally stop getting those stupid emails of companies trying to clean up their Google rankings.
Funny to think that these posts are what was supporting me back when I got my current job. This job was also only supposed to be fore a year while I got my crap together to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I let a steady paycheck make me complacent even though I've been miserable almost the whole dang time I've worked there.
Posted by LaDonna at 10:00 PM on 11/08/14 • Permalink •
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So, I was put in my place at work today. Wish I could post details, but I can't. Job hunting has started in earnest. I'm going to probably have to take a major pay cut, but at least I'll be in South Dakota and can focus on starting my own side business that will hopefully eventually become my sole source of support.
The freaky thing was reading
Maria Shaw's Starscopes Newsletter when I got home:
Mars will conjunct Pluto bringing some very intense power struggles and energy to the surface November 10 to the 14th. You could really feel like blowing off some steam. People, who have been getting on your nerves, will now push you too far. But it is a great time to get moving in a new direction and these energies may help you on a new path.
....
November 12th brings a harsh and challenging aspect from Pluto and Uranus. Something out of the blue may unfold that forces you to choose a different path than you are already on. Expect the unexpected this week. This will be an interesting day because Saturn will also meet Venus and this can either bond a relationship or create an ending of some kind. If a relationship's foundation is shaky, it could crumble under this influence.
So, yeah...this coming week is going to be rough, but necessary to get me off the dead-end path I'm on and hopefully onto a better one.
Posted by LaDonna at 07:36 PM on 11/07/14 • Permalink •
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Something in me snapped at work today. I'm done.
I'm so sick of being a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I'm so sick of giving it my all to try to make a fucked up situation work just to get a paycheck. I'm sick of being lied to my face. I know I'm pretty good at whatever I try, but these people don't deserve my best. I won't go into details publicly, because I know this blog comes up if you search for my name, but I deserve better than this.
I was searching for something motivational to put in my line of sight at work and I came across the Steve Jobs commencement address at Stanford University. The parts that stick out for me are excerpted below:
"You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.
...
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
...
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."
--Steve Jobs, June 12, 2005
I'll be honest that this colon thing has me a little freaked out. I'm also getting closer to the age that Mom was when she passed. If I don't figure out what will make me happy and do it, I'm going to die with regrets and bitterness.
Posted by LaDonna at 09:23 PM on 11/06/14 • Permalink •
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I'm so tired of being in pain and our health system sucks.
There's been something wrong with me since August.
At first I thought it was the beginnings of a bladder infection. I went to one of those clinics in King Soopers and was prescribed antibiotics. After I finished those, I didn't feel any better - in fact, I felt worse.
I eventually gave in and went to an after-hours urgent care. I was told I probably had a kidney infection and was given even more antibiotics. I was called by the doctor there that my tests had come back negative for a kidney infections, but since I had blood in my urine, I most likely had kidney stones and should see a urologist.
I made an appt. with one where I was told I needed to get a CT scan. I was prescribed yet more antibiotics. The scan showed no stones. I gave in and went to the ER when those antibiotics did no good.
I was made to take another CT scan as the one I had just 2 days earlier was not the right kind. I was diagnosed with diverticulitis and sent home with more antibiotics. After 5 days those were gone and I felt worse than ever. I was so bloated that I could barely sit and could only sleep with the aid of vicodin. I took yet another trip to the ER, underwent a 3rd CT scan, was given even more antibiotics and was told to follow up with a GI doc.
I paid a co-pay at the GI for them to basically tell me there is nothing they can do until I get a colonoscopy, but I can't get one for 6 weeks. In the mean time, go home and drink Metamucil. The hell? So, I wait and wait for someone to call me to set up an appt. and finally had to call the GI back. Now I wait because I couldn't get an appt. until NOVEMBER 21st (8 weeks after my GI appt). So, I'm still in pain and bloated. Even after the colonoscopy, it's not like anybody is going to fix anything. I'll probably have to wait even more. Meanwhile, worst case scenarios and playing in my head.
I'm so sick of being sick.
Posted by LaDonna at 10:06 PM on 11/05/14 • Permalink •
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