Domestic Geek

Humor from Reverie:

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, cooks and cleans and who has a job.
   
   
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
   
   
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't lie.
   
   
4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
   
   
5. It is important that these four men never meet.

I guess I'm incredibly lucky that Marcus is all those things and MORE!!!

Here's a funny joke from Marcus:

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester named Frank, who had moved to Texas from the East Coast:

Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

« All Done!

Compliments of my friend, Traci:

A blonde walks into the local auto parts store.

"I need a seven ten cap," she says.

"What's a seven ten cap?" replies the clerk

She says, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."

"What kind of a car is it?" the clerk asks, now thinking it's maybe for an old Datsun Seven Ten.

"It's a Ford," says the blonde.

So now the clerk is really confused.

"Okay, lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.

"What does it do?" the clerk asks.

"I don't know," says the blonde, "but it's always been there, and now I've lost it and I need a new one."

Finally the clerk gives her a piece of paper and a pencil and asks her if she can draw a picture of it.

(click "more" to see what she drew)

Wait—here’s more »

« All Done!

IF DR SEUSS WAS A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman -Yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser, Beer nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections;
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.

I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.
I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.

I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch;
or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.
I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing--
and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.
Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back.
And when I bend over You can't see my crack.

I'm a woman, alas-- and I'm proud, don't you see?
I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks--
I'll never join the "Hair Club", or think with my dick.
I'm a woman, by chance And thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman, Not a man, yes I am!

This is a really MAD COW!!!! (link via The Working Mom) Don't click the link if you're easily offended by foul language.