Domestic Geek

Compliments of my friend, Traci:

A blonde walks into the local auto parts store.

"I need a seven ten cap," she says.

"What's a seven ten cap?" replies the clerk

She says, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."

"What kind of a car is it?" the clerk asks, now thinking it's maybe for an old Datsun Seven Ten.

"It's a Ford," says the blonde.

So now the clerk is really confused.

"Okay, lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.

"What does it do?" the clerk asks.

"I don't know," says the blonde, "but it's always been there, and now I've lost it and I need a new one."

Finally the clerk gives her a piece of paper and a pencil and asks her if she can draw a picture of it.

(click "more" to see what she drew)

Wait—here’s more »

« All Done!

IF DR SEUSS WAS A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman -Yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser, Beer nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections;
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.

I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.
I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.

I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch;
or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.
I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing--
and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.
Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back.
And when I bend over You can't see my crack.

I'm a woman, alas-- and I'm proud, don't you see?
I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks--
I'll never join the "Hair Club", or think with my dick.
I'm a woman, by chance And thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman, Not a man, yes I am!

This is a really MAD COW!!!! (link via The Working Mom) Don't click the link if you're easily offended by foul language.

Joe went to a pet store one day and was checking out the parrots when he noticed one that was half price. He asked the pet store owner why it was half price and the man replied, "Oh. That one. He grew up in a foul-mouthed family and all he knows are curse words." "Oh, I'm sure I can train him out of it," thought Joe, and he took the parrot home. Well, sure enough, not five minutes after he brought the parrot home, the bird immediately starts swearing like one of the Osbournes. Joe tried a whole number of tricks to get the bird to stop swearing -- screening Disney movies, playing soft music, offering the bird treats. Nothing worked. He scolded the bird, and the bird got worse. He pleaded with the bird, the bird got worse. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he grabbed the bird, stuck him in the freezer and closed the door. The parrot squawked and screamed for a few seconds, then got absolutely silent. Joe, worried that he might have hurt the bird, opened up the freezer door. The parrot hopped out of the freezer, jumped up onto Joe's arm, and said, "My sincere apologies if I offended you with my language. I will endeavor to reform my vocabulary in the future." Joe was shocked at the change in behavior and couldn't figure out what came over the bird. The parrot then glanced nervously back at the freezer and added, "By the way, what exactly did the turkey do?"

I just heard the funniest thing on the radio:

Job means Just Over Broke. HA!