Domestic Geek

SUBJECT: POEM FOR COMPUTER USERS OVER 40

A computer was something on TV
From a Science Fiction show of note,
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the father of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

A Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-in. floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, cooks and cleans and who has a job.
   
   
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
   
   
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't lie.
   
   
4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
   
   
5. It is important that these four men never meet.

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester named Frank, who had moved to Texas from the East Coast:

Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event: