Domestic Geek

WARNING! FEMALE RELATED CONTENT! QUIT READING NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT TMI. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!


Yesterday, I had an appointment to have the Essure procedure done. If you don't want to click through the link, it's a permanent form of female sterilization. I've been wanting those nickle coils in my fallopian tubes ever since my gynecologist told me about them at my last annual exam. She reminded me that, being over 40, the risk of developing blood clots and strokes increase when being on birth control pills.

So, I called to set up the appointment in early December and have been looking forward to yesterday like it was Christmas or something. I needed a driver, so Marcus put in to take Monday off from work. I had the pre-op appointment last Wednesday where the doc went over the procedure details and prescribed the meds I was to take. I was good to go.

I'll be honest, the day before I started getting really nervous. This was surgery, after all. Things can go wrong. The night before, I put the pill up my vagina that was to soften the cervix and would cause cramping. Boy, did it. Worse than any menstrual cramp I've ever had. By 3 am, I couldn't even sleep any more. I got up and turned on the computer. Turns out that pill is also used to induce labor...great. No wonder I was in so much pain. I endured, because I was supposed to take 4 Ibuprofen tablets 2 hours before my procedure. I got Marcus up at 5:30. I thought that would be the hard part of the day, but he was as nervous as I was and was already awake. I took the Ibuprofen and the cramping pain lessened. We had to leave earlier than we'd planned (6:30am) because of the snow that fell and my doctor's office where she does the procedure is down in Parker. I took the pain pills just before we left the house (as instructed) and I could tell I was getting loopy on the way. We only got to the appointment 5 minutes late (not bad with morning traffic and snow), Marcus dropped me off and left his phone # because he was going to wait at the Starbucks a couple of blocks down the street. I was injected with something (local anesthesia, I think) and was really out of it. By the time I was in the room, I thought I was home free.

No such luck. Apparently, if you've never had children, it's really hard to get your cervix to soften and dilate (I wasn't told that). They had to abort the procedure because they couldn't get into my uterus and if they forced it they might puncture my uterus. I tried really hard not to cry, but I couldn't stop the tears. I was (and still am) so frustrated that I went through all that pain and money for absolutely nothing. Poor Marcus had to get me home in that drug-induced state. He's a saint for dealing with me. Apparently, we stopped at Starbucks because I wanted to (don't remember asking) and I told everyone there that my cervix wouldn't cooperate. We stopped by my Dad's house to fix a problem with his Wii (I don't remember being there at all). I do remember being at a traffic light and telling Marcus we were going the wrong way to get to Dad's house and he told me we had already been there. I also remember walking from the car, getting into the house and bawling as I got into bed to sleep everything off. I woke up around 4:30 or so and the cramps were bad again, so I started crying again. It was all just so unfair.

I'm waiting for my insurance company to deny the claim now since the procedure wasn't successful. I'm supposed to get a call from someone today to discuss what we can do next. I'm not really sure I'm ready to talk to anybody there and I'm pretty sure I don't want to go the laproscopic route to tie my tubes. I'm starting to think giving up sex would be the easier way to go. I'm just so fed up this all this crap I go through to make sure I don't get pregnant.

It's so weird when you're coming out of a depression period. You know you were depressed, but you didn't realize how bad until you look back at things that happened during that time. I think I've been in a serious, deep one for about 2 and a half years (it started when they put on on these damned 12-13 hour shifts at work).

It amazes me how long I have been in this funk. The evidence is popping up all over. I wrote on Twitter the other day that I was finding receipts on my desk that were over a year old. I was putting up Christmas lights outside yesterday and the big wreath for the side of the house was still behind the rocking chair in the living room where I left it after taking it down last year. I hadn't cleaned the tub/shower in the back bathroom in about as long. It had horrible soap scum/mildew built up. I was starting to smell it while I was watching television.

I don't think I've actually finished a knitting project in quite a while. It's really odd for me to not want to do anything creative. I think I actually got more joy out of continually ripping knitting back than actually progressing.

I know I haven't been particularly pleasant to be around, either. I've had a serious defeatist attitude. The slightest thing set me off to make me angry, especially when it was things of which I had no control. It's really hard for me to see any good around me when I get like that.

I don't know what has brought me out this time. Maybe a combination of things. I've been eating only real, natural food for a while. I tried eating one of my previous prepacked faves, Stouffers Mac and Cheese, the other day and it actually made me physically ill. I drove to New Mexico at the end of October to visit with my old college pal. It felt so good to see her — I missed her so much. I have hope that I will actually find a new job in the new year. Companies are starting to hire creative professionals again. I decided it was time to stop putting off the things I've always wanted to do and those acts have contributed to my mental health. I also decided to stop trying to fight what I can't change. The situation at work will never change, so I have to find other work. I'm tired of having to work holidays and never spend quality time with Marcus (other than on vacation). I don't want us to grow apart because we never, ever see each other.

So, now the hard part begins...cleaning up the messes I've made for myself. Not just housecleaning messes (man, but there are plenty of those), but others messes, too. Financial messes, physical messes, emotional messes. It'll take time and work, but they can be cleaned up and I will be better at the end because of them.

I'm feeling really positive about where my life is going in 2011 and beyond. Maybe I'll even have a desire to focus on this poor, neglected blog again.

Between work and being sick, my NaBloPoMo effort for November 2010 is over. Oh, well, maybe next year.

I got an unexpected 5 day break from work. My friend hosted a Christmas knitting party at her house on Saturday, so I switched with a guy at work (I worked Wednesday, he covered my Saturday) so I could attend. We're also abnormally slow at work for November, so late Saturday night I got the call that I didn't have to work on Sunday. Add in my normal days off of Monday-Wednesday and that's 5 days off. I really hope this extended break helps me kick the crud in my lungs. There are so many different germs floating around at work that I'm positive that I've had more than one sickness over the last month. I did sleep a good portion of yesterday. I was up for a few hours, then I was freezing, so I slipped into bed to warm up and woke up several hours later. I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to sleep at a decent hour after that, but I went to sleep fairly early. I'm feeling almost normal today. Still hacking stuff up from the lungs, but much better than I've been. So, we'll see...

The knitting party was a blast. The hostess served potato leek soup, cornbread and sangria. I brought a cheesecake (made with all organic ingredients except the topping) and another guest brought key lime pie (I had never had any). We all worked on Christmas gifts we're knitting, ate and drank. So much fun and just what I needed since I haven't been able to attend any knitting groups lately. Wish I could host one, but I just don't have the seating to have that many people over.

I managed to stab my left hand last night while making guacamole. I was trying to get the pit out and the knife slipped. No more using the knife to get the pit out - I'll have to stick to the spoon. Had to wrap my hand in plastic so I could take a shower. I'm such a klutz.

I was looking for something in my purse at work today and I noticed my camera lens cover stuck open. I haven't used my camera since I got back from New Mexico. Sadly, it's been in my purse since then because I'm too lazy to get my pics off the camera. I'm also bummed that I never managed to snap a pic of my friend, Angie. I guess I was just so happy to see her that I never thought to take one. Oh, well...next time.

Anyway, I tried turning the camera on and got a "lens error, restart camera" message. It had obviously gotten dinged. Must have happened when I was cut off and had to slam on my brakes, causing my purse and all of its contents to fly off my passenger seat. One of my co-workers shook it and said something was rattling. Great. I don't have the funds for either a repair or a new camera.

Once I got home, I was going to try to take it apart. After losing the very first tiny screw I took out, I decided to Google the problem instead. I came across this site about repairing digital cameras and started trying some of the suggestions. I put in fresh batteries, laid it on it's back and used a butter knife to get the lens come out as it was trying to power on. Voila, whatever was keeping it from closing or opening (whether some debris or just a little bit bent) was no longer a problem

Yay!

I got stuck at work an extra hour and a half tonight because of a stupid 12 page PDF high school newspaper file generated with Microsoft Publisher that would not go through our RIP.

It kept crashing Acrobat when I tried splitting pages out individually.

It was supposed to be black only, but everything color RGB (not CMYK).

It was poorly designed to begin with.

I was ready to scream.

Fortunately, one of my co-workers had a workaround.

It was one in a long line of jobs today that had me pulling my hair out.

I worked on a college publication that sounded like it had been written by high school students.

I literally banged my head on the desk while reading that one.

I always wondered before I got into the industry why prepress people and graphic designers* hated each other.

Now I know. Boy, do I know.

*I'm using the term designer loosely. Most of the crap we see every day is done by some yahoo who thinks just because he/she can work a computer, he/she is a designer. It's why I can't find work as a designer that pays anything.