Domestic Geek

So, I told my boss today that I'm job-hunting. I can't take working here anymore. I spent $200 in gas last month, my car's brake warning light has come on and I have no money to take it to the shop, my salary is laughable, the raise I was promised didn't come through, I really have no room for advancement here and everybody is at each other's throats again. The Karma here is so bad. It's not healthy. I've wasted too much of my life being stuck in jobs that weren't healthy and going nowhere. I wish I could just get in my car and leave right now and never come back. *sigh* Oh, well. The sooner I find something else, the sooner I never have to come back.

I'll finish tweaking my resume tonight and start sending it out. I've got a couple of boards to create for my portfolio. I'll forward the update resume to the placement office at Platt. I'm not going to screw around with this. In the meantime, I've got a presentation folder to do for my boss and I need to get their FileMaker Pro database running.

My dream job is out there, I just have to find it.

I saw this over a year ago and meant to post it. Since it showed up in my inbox again today, here it is:

I took this little personalitytest:

(moved into the extended because it makes my page load slowly)

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« All Done!

So, I came to a grim realization the other day. Once again I have made a huge boo-boo. I was reading a book at Barnes & Noble the other day that gave clues to realizing you're in the wrong job. One clue was that you spend your week counting down to Friday. A second was that sinking, sick feeling in the pit of your stomach every Sunday when you think about having to go to work the next morning. I have both of those.

When I took my job, I made the "safe" decision. I knew the guys that worked there and knew I'd have no problem being hired. I think part of me really misses school and in some weird way working with old schoolmates would have been kind of like being back there. Even though the pay being offered was a slap in the face to my skillset, I took it because I didn't want to have to work at getting interview leads and I was desperate for more income. I convinced myself that I had to take it because nobody else would hire me. I lied to myself that even thought the job was 50 miles from where I live, I'll be OK as long as I carpooled and kept doing pizza. Well, it only took one day of doing both to realize I wasn't going to cut it. I started realizing at the end of March that I had made a mistake in accepting that job, but par for me, I stuck my head in the sand and told myself that if I could make it to my six-month review, all would be well. Well, six weeks later and I realize that I can't keep up this charade.

With gas at $3 a gallon and hardly any carpooling happening for various reasons, I can't be paying $200 month for gas. I also can't keep putting those kind of miles on my vehicle or it won't last until the payments are over. The job itself is Ok, I guess, but I'm certainly overqualified for it. It's a little disheartening to put a lot of effort into a ad only to realize that it really won't be seen much because most of those ad magazines go straight to the trash. Working at the screen printer at least had the satisfaction that my work would last for awhile because people actually wore the stuff I designed.

The owner envisions those of us working there being leaders of teams of designers. I don't have that vision for myself. I should've held out for a job in the web field or the screenprinting/embroidery field. Web designing was the original reason I went to Platt in the first place. I can't believe I gave up so easily on it.

I have more that I want to say, but I can't because I don't know who reads this anymore.

I guess the biggest realization is this: I'm closing in on 40 (4 months away) and I have no benefits, no retirement, no house...I can't keep settling for less than I need. I'm tired of not being able to go out, go to the doctor, get new clothes, get new glasses. I'm tired of living to work. This is all a result of me being too wussy to go after what I want and just accepting whatever is handed to me. I'm tired of letting myself be weak. I've got to get a backbone and stand up for me.

So, guess where Marcus and I will be at 10:00am tomorrow morning:

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« All Done!