Domestic Geek

If only…

If only and what if and I wish and someday. It came to me this morning while at work that these are my mantras. They are what I hide behind, the excuses I use and why I'm not moving forward in my life. These statements rely on absolutely no effort on my part. As long as I say these things to myself everyday, I'm stuck.

One of my teachers at school used to say there is no such thing as try. You either do or you do not. Unfortunately, I just do not. I don't know what I'm afraid of or why I think I can't. It's not that I'm comfortable where I am. I'm in pain, I'm sad and depressed, I feel like a failure. Maybe I've got some kind of Cinderella sydrome where I believe that if I suffer enough, some handsome prince will come save me and all my dreams will come true.

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« All Done!

So, I just heard a weird popping sound coming from the kitchen. I get up to investigate and there's the pan of eggs on the stove I was boiling...that had totally run out of water...because I had forgotten I started them...over two hours ago! Dumb ass! I don't know if they're salvageable, I'll have to wait and see. I put them to soak in cold water. All I know is it totally smells like burnt pan in here. Ugh!

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I couldn't take it anymore today. I sat bawling this morning because the the pain and the totally icky feeling I have. I actually won free passes to see Queen Latifah's Beauty Shop movie for this evening (I never win anything), but I can't go because I can't go more than 30 minutes without running to the bathroom. So, I broke down and went to Planned Parenthood and got me some antibiotics for this stupid UTI. I hope they work. What really makes me mad is I called there two weeks ago and was told on the phone it would cost $90 plus the cost of medicine. I was also told I couldn't be seen that day (Friday), I would have to wait until Tuesday. That's why I ended up going to that other clinic. Well, today I just walked in there, it cost me $23 and was out in less than 30 minutes. If I had known that, I would've been in two weeks ago and saved myself $100. *sigh* I hate Planned Parenthood's call center. They suck.

Watching: Star Trek Enterprise

One of the movie channels (Encore?) did a Kevin Smith marathon on Friday. I couldn't sit all day and watch it, nor did I want to waste that much PVR space, so my friend Nina lent me her DVDs. I did record An Evening with Kevin Smith, though, and will probably watch that this afternoon. I tried watching Clerks, Mallrats and Dogma a while back and I must've been in a really bad frame of mind or something, because I absolutely hated them. I had never seen Chasing Amy, though. The only movie I liked that he had made was Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Over the course of the past week, I managed to watch all five films. Mallrats was still stupid, but in a good way. After putting it in perspective with the rest of the films, I could appreciate the humor in it.

I didn't realize it was Alan Rickman (Snape in Harry Potter) in Dogma. (Swoon) I find that man extremely sexy. lol

It amazes me the empire that Smith and company have created around these movies. I guess there's a store in New Jersey (and now in L.A.) called Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash that sells comic book memorabilia and Smith movie paraphernalia. I'll have to try and visit one of those one day. Of course, the stuff is available for sale online. There are a whole bunch of associated sites on the web. Not bad way for a guy to make a living.

I noticed on IMDB that there's going to be another movie called The Passion of the Clerks due out sometime late this year. I guess he made another one in the series after all. IMDB says:

One of the things that most prompted Smith to make the film was a promise he made to friend Jason Mewes. If Mewes managed to stay off drugs he would be able to play the character of "Jay" one more time. Smith kept his promise.

I'll have to check that one out.

Anyway, great films they were not. They were entertaining, though. I'm glad I gave them all a second chance.

I went to a clinic on the 18th to get treated for my bladder infection. The urine test came back negative, so the doctor sent me on my way with a prescription for some blue pills to ease the discomfort and I ended up being $90 poorer. He said I was probably irritated from something I ate or something. Hm, ok.

Well, it's over a week later, the blue pills are gone and I still feel like I have a bladder infection. This so totally sucks. As Marcus noted, "The mechanic can't figure out what's wrong with your car and the doctor can't figure out what's wrong with you. What's up with that?" I have no health insurance and no money. Now what? I think the thing that's making me most upset is if it had been diagnosed correctly, I'd be taking the last of the antibiotics today and I'd be moving on. Instead I'm in more discomfort than ever, it's Easter Sunday and everything is closed and if I can find a way to get to a another doctor tomorrow, it will still be at least another 10 days until there is some sort of resolution to this. Damn it!

Any wonder why I hate going to doctors of any kind?