Domestic Geek

Joe went to a pet store one day and was checking out the parrots when he noticed one that was half price. He asked the pet store owner why it was half price and the man replied, "Oh. That one. He grew up in a foul-mouthed family and all he knows are curse words." "Oh, I'm sure I can train him out of it," thought Joe, and he took the parrot home. Well, sure enough, not five minutes after he brought the parrot home, the bird immediately starts swearing like one of the Osbournes. Joe tried a whole number of tricks to get the bird to stop swearing -- screening Disney movies, playing soft music, offering the bird treats. Nothing worked. He scolded the bird, and the bird got worse. He pleaded with the bird, the bird got worse. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he grabbed the bird, stuck him in the freezer and closed the door. The parrot squawked and screamed for a few seconds, then got absolutely silent. Joe, worried that he might have hurt the bird, opened up the freezer door. The parrot hopped out of the freezer, jumped up onto Joe's arm, and said, "My sincere apologies if I offended you with my language. I will endeavor to reform my vocabulary in the future." Joe was shocked at the change in behavior and couldn't figure out what came over the bird. The parrot then glanced nervously back at the freezer and added, "By the way, what exactly did the turkey do?"

I just heard the funniest thing on the radio:

Job means Just Over Broke. HA!

Damn, I should've known better. They didn't kill off Theresa Lopez Fitzgerald on "Passions" afterall. It figures that was too good to be true.

I meant to post this earlier, but I haven't had the time. There is a slideshow on the Rocky Mountain News' website showing photos of the air-tanker that crashed last Thursday (July 18) while trying to help put out the Big Elk Fire near Lyons.

In other news, would the press shut the hell up about the stock market already? Maybe people would have more confidence in it if you guys weren't pounding into their brains every minute of the day how terrible things are and how everyone is screwed.

My poor old big dog, Ursa. I think she either twisted or sprained her leg. She was fine when I got home yesterday about 4:30 and she was still fine when I went bed. By the time Marcus got home after 7, she couldn't walk on it and you could tell she was really in pain. She's almost 12 years old and she has a touch of arthritis. Sometimes she just falls while she's walking along for no reason. I feel so bad for her, sometimes. When I let her outside at 2 this morning, she got down the stairs just fine but then couldn't get back up them to get into the house. I ended up having to carry her. That's when I knew she was really having trouble because normally she hates to be picked up. I think it just doesn't happen enough for her to be used to it as she weighs over 100 lbs. She seemed almost relieved that I carried her. My poor baby. To make matters worse, our other dog, Skippy, is a total dork and he's always dancing all around. He keeps knocking her over. *sigh*