Domestic Geek

Why is it that since I want to work without interruption and finish this damned database so that I can leave this place with a free conscience, everybody and their cousins are doing their best to keep me from it? GRRRRRRRR!

I'm becoming so anti-government lately. Has every generation had their major problems or are we just in an incredibly sucky period right now? Why is it more important to fight gay marriage than the flood of illegals in this country? Why is it more important to worry about a tiny little country half a world away than about what is going on within our own borders? Taxes are out of control, gas prices are out of control, our justice system is out of control. Movements are underway to make the US/Mexico/Canada a single entity with one currency like the European Union. Our middle class is dwindling, the ranks of the "poor" are growing and the elite are getting richer and more powerful. Neither party will fix any of this because they are BOTH part of the problem. Will we see another civil war in my lifetime? I'm starting to think so. I'm seeing the scenario in Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" unfolding before my very eyes. It scared me.

I spoke with the recruiter at Marcus' old company today. They are hiring in the advertising department there. I guess my resume makes me look like a hiring risk. I've been in the field a year, but I was only at one job for 7 months (um, they went out of business) and at this job five months. Yes, I made a mistake in accepting a job 50 miles from my house. I was promised car pooling. That fizzled and I can't keep driving 100 miles round trip five days a week just to make my resume look better. There is a slim chance I may still get an interview (because they liked Marcus so much there), but I'm not counting on it. I guess this explains why I don't hear anything back from anybody when my resume goes out.

I had a pretty darned good day today. A whole lot better than yesterday. I was so depressed and anxious by the time I got home from work yesterday that all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry.

I went to Platt College's graduation today since the last of my friends there were graduating. It's always good to see the staff there. The guest speaker was Colorado State Representative Debbie Stafford. I'd never heard of her before today, even though she represents a portion of Aurora. She was a great speaker and her story made me cry a lot. She's suffered a whole lot more hardship than I ever have and she didn't let it hold her back. I was so moved by her that I sent an email to her office when I got home this afternoon. After the ceremony, I had a really long lunch visit with my friend Chrissy. We sat at Panera Bread chatting for a good 2½–3 hours. It felt really good to have a thought-provoking, intelligent conversation with someone other than Marcus. I really need to get out more. About the only socializing I do anymore is dinner once a week with Mike and Nina and a meal out with my dad once or twice a month. I really don't have much in common with the people I work with and most of our conversations are small-talk.

I'm torn about what to do with this stupid job I have. I only went to work three days last week. Monday was Memorial Day and I totally blew off work on Thursday. It's hotter than crap in my office because we have no air conditioning or blinds on the windows. There was no work to do, so I surfed the Internet for two solid days. Friday I worked on some web coding on my portfolio site trying to get my web skills back up to par. I need to work on that stupid Filemaker database, but it's really hard to work on it when everybody there is totally inconsiderate and keeps interrupting me with stupid stuff (like just yelling out of the blue to break the silence or cranking separate music sources to see who can play it loudest). If I don't get out of there soon, I'm going to be too deep into the cycle and won't be able to leave until mid-July. It sucks that in the three weeks that I've been job-hunting, I haven't even been called for an interview. I think I know one reason why: it's summer and all of these corporations can get by on the cheap by hiring interns. They'll work for free/peanuts for the whole summer until school starts again. A saying I've been pondering lately is "Leap and the net will appear." Should I just give my two week's notice now? That's risky. I figure I'd only have to work 20 billable hours a week to match what I make now with no commuting expense. Maybe I could find something part-time to do to remain sociable and keep learning new skills. I gave a business card to one of my friends today that may have some work that we can collaberate on. I hope something comes of that. I don't know...just thinking out loud.

Oh, well. I'm going to go to bed and sleep on it.

Man, I just do not feel like doing any work today...so I won't. It's kind of a shame that I had to drive 50 miles just to surf the Internet and iChat with Marcus, though. Really could've done this from home, y'know? I'm taking tomorrow off as my day to make up for overtime put in before deadline. Since we have Memorial Day off, it'll be a nice 4-day mini vacation.

I'm supposed to be working on the Filemaker database for this place, but I'm not in the mood. It's too nice of a day out.

I am catching up on my blog reading and found this comic over at Freakgirl:



It's totally summing up how I'm feeling about my creativity lately. I can't even motivate myself to do the Artist's Way right now. I'm being so self-destructive and I'm wallowing in self-pity and it's not cool.

I'm actually enjoying that Gaping Void site, though. He's got lots of good advice. I'll have to add that to my linklist.

Why is it when I am not looking for a job, I see great listings on the job boards? The minute I start looking for something, they all disappear or are suddenly paying less than I'm making now. I'm growing increasingly frustrated. Please send me some good job-FINDING vibes, people! I'd be greatly appreciative!