Domestic Geek

IF DR SEUSS WAS A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman -Yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser, Beer nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections;
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.

I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.
I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.

I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch;
or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.
I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing--
and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.
Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back.
And when I bend over You can't see my crack.

I'm a woman, alas-- and I'm proud, don't you see?
I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks--
I'll never join the "Hair Club", or think with my dick.
I'm a woman, by chance And thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman, Not a man, yes I am!

1. Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton?
No preference

2. Laurel & Hardy or Abbott & Costello?
Laurel & Hardy

3. Marx Brothers or Three Stooges?
Marx Brothers. I absolutely DO NOT think the Three Stooges are funny.

4. David Letterman or Jay Leno?
David Letterman

5. "Saturday Night Live" or "Mad TV"?
The old SNL. I don't like the newer ones - they're not really that funny.

6. Adam Sandler ("Mr. Deeds") or Mike Myers ("Austin Powers")?
Both

7. Jerry Seinfeld or Ray Romano ("Everybody Loves Raymond")?
Jerry Seinfeld, although Ray Romano is starting to grow on me.

8. George Carlin or Bill Cosby?
Bill Cosby, although Carlin has his moments.

9. "Monty Python's Flying Circus" or "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In"?
I like them both - two totally different kinds of comedy.

10. Gone but not forgotten...John Belushi or Chris Farley?
John Belushi. Chris Farley was not funny and I thought he was a disgusting, fat slob.

Ursa is not doing well. Marcus noticed that she hasn't been eating. It got to the point where she wouldn't eat a Meaty Bone dog treat or even her favorite ice cubes. I half exected to find her dead when I got home today. I've been a wreck the last couple of days. I stopped at PetSmart on the way home from work today and bought some small dog treats, some vitamins, and a couple of cans of soft dog food. I ran the hard dog food through the coffee grinder, mixed it up with a can of soft stuff, and have been spoon-feeding her all afternoon. She actually just ate a cookie, too. I hope she just had a little bug or something. She keeps losing control of her back legs, though. I hope that's just from being weak from not eating and the heat. I had to pick her up again to get her back in the house when she went out to go potty. I can tell she's lost a lot of weight. If she gets over this hump, I'm going to have to have Marcus help me build her a ramp to get in and out. I don't think she needs to be dealing with those stairs all the time.

She seems a lot perkier than yesterday. All she wanted to do was sleep on the comforter I put on the floor for her. Today she actually begged for a piece of the hamburger I made myself for lunch. I know she's an old dog, but I'm just not ready to let her go yet.

When I got to work on Tuesday, neither store had enough stuff on hand for me to do the prep I was supposed to do. I got to sit on my ass for over two hours while I waited to go to school. I wish I had had my laptop on me. I couldn't even start on this week's school project because it hadn't been assigned yet. I knew generally what to do and jotted down a few ideas, but couldn't actually start it as the format hadn't yet been discussed. So, I haven't gotten caught up yet on prep and I don't really care. If I don't get caught up until Saturday, so be it. Losers.

Well, guess I better get back to my school work. We have to make storyboards for television commercials for Campbell's soup. Whee!!! We have to complete two, I'm still on my first one, and our final exam is on Friday as well. No sleep for me the rest of the week. Yay!

This is a really MAD COW!!!! (link via The Working Mom) Don't click the link if you're easily offended by foul language.

I'm really worried about the big dog. She's not limping anymore, but now she's not eating or pooing. She won't even take a dog treat cookie. I hope she's not going to die soon. She's almost 12 years old and that's old for a large breed dog like a Malamute, but still, I don't want to lose her. I decided if she doesn't eat by tomorrow, I'll buy her some soft food to see if it is the fact that maybe she can't chew. *sigh*