Domestic Geek

*sigh* I would've been at the Police concert right now if I had won tickets. *sigh* My friend Russ went and had a good time last night.

I am not looking forward to work this week. My supervisor is on vacation and those who will be covering for him leave a lot to be desired with their managerial skills. I'm just hoping our work pace will be slow so they have little to freak out over. I can always find something to do back in the archive room to hide out if things get ugly. I am actually hoping that I can just sit with some operators and learn stuff. I did one small project all by myself last Friday, so I know I can do it, I just need to learn the specific things that need to be done for each type of job.

I saw one of my old teachers last Friday. She stopped in to chat with one of my coworkers about some freelance work he had for her. I really miss a lot of my old teachers. I must find a way to keep in touch before I lose contact forever. They were just too neat of people to lose in my life forever, y'know?

I am going to attend the Denver Media Group function on June 20th. There is going to be a presentation about Photoshop CS3 and since we just upgraded to the CS3 suite at work, it will be good to see if the presenter has any good information. I'm hoping the door prizes will be cool and I'll win one this time.

Today after work I had to stop by the oral surgeon's office for a follow-up appointment. I'm doing fine except for normal healing pain, so I thought about canceling. I decided to go anyway just in case the insurance company would use that against me to deny my claim or something. Fortunately, it looks as it is supposed to and I wasn't charged for an office visit.

Ever since then, though, I have not been able to quit playing with the loose flap of gums. I think I started that while I was bored stuck in traffic. Gah!

I stopped and got myself a Frappuccino from Starbucks on the way home because it was hot, my face hurt and I needed a beverage to make the rest of the ride home. I stopped at that 24-hour one on Colorado Blvd. The employees were too busy socializing in there (I guess a shift change was happening) and the guy making my drink rushed through it. I had big huge ice boulders in it that kept clogging up my straw. I was not happy.

I had a bit of a revelation today while at work.

I was thinking about how I'm always gung-ho at the beginning of something, yet I rarely complete anything. I think it's because once I start something, my mind has finished it and is moving on to something else. For example, my mind considers doing laundry as the act of gathering it and putting it in the washer. Of course, there's a few more steps until the laundry is really done — into the dryer, folding, putting away, etc. &mash; but my mind dismisses the task as over. It's why Marcus usually ends up putting the clothes in the dryer or has to empty the dishwasher. When it's up to me, I put my clothes on out of the dryer and once the dryer is empty, it's time to do laundry again. I'm like that with my creative endeavors, too. Take my blog designs. I have an idea in my head what I want them to be and I've even started a couple of them, but since my brain sees the finished result, it considers it done. When I have a craft project in mind, once the supplies are bought, the project rarely goes beyond that.

I don't know when this practice started. I know I've been doing it at least since college, so probably all my life. Why did it take me so long to realize what it is that I do? I've always chalked my behavior up to procrastination, but it's really more than that. It's not even that I'm avoiding anything, my brain is just finished with the task at hand.

Well, now maybe that I see what I'm doing, I can take steps to correct it. Maybe it's time to revert back to childhood and put up that chore chart that I never had as a child. Give myself a star when (and only when) I totally COMPLETE a task.

It's not even the teeth, either. With as out of it as I've been, I totally lost track of when my period was expected and it hit me today with a vengeance. I've got a ton of stuff I want to do and I honestly can't move without being nauseous. <sarcasm>I love being a girl.</sarcasm> I just gave in and took one of those percocet pills the dentist prescribed to see if it relieves menstrual pain. I'll let you know how that works out.

Speaking of pain from the teeth, though, the pain lessened considerably when a small bone fragment finally worked itself to the surface late this afternoon. I've been feeling it just under the surface for days and I just couldn't leave it alone.

I got a good laugh at work today. Apparently my old teacher no longer works for that weirdo I worked for last September. They submitted a file today that was totally unprintable. If it could be done wrong by a designer, whoever is working for him now did it. LOL

I got to do a little bit of design work for a small ad our company was running. It wasn't much, but it was nice to get the opportunity to do a little something.

If you read here regularly, you know I like to participate in the Ten on Tuesday meme. This one this week threw me.

The topic was 10 Occupations You Wanted to Be When You Were Young. Honestly, I can't remember. How sad is that? I don't remember ever wanting to be anything. I know little kids say they want to be firemen, a nurse or superheros or something, but I don't remember if I wanted to be anything. I went through my whole life just kind of expecting that I'd be a mom. Even while studying music, I never saw myself as a musician. I didn't even think about going to college until I was in my senior year in high school and figured keeping on with school was better than getting a job. I only studied to be a teacher because I didn't know what else to do. I figured I'd meet someone in college and get married and that would be that. Well, we all know that didn't happen. So there I was, out of school, no passion for a career I had chosen and no prospects of becoming a mom. As I kept meandering through life, just getting by, I came to the realization that I didn't really want to be a mother, either.

It's that lack of passion for anything that has had me so lost, angry, confused. When faced with the question, "What would you do with your life if money was no object?," I have no answer. Sure, I have some hobbies I enjoy, but no real goals. Even now, being 40, I still don't know what I want to be. That's sad, isn't it?