Domestic Geek

Yay, my insomnia is back full force. I tried to go to sleep a couple of hours ago, but I've got so much on my brain, I can't. I never thought that on my 40th birthday, I'd be up in the middle of the night bawling like a baby because my life is spiraling out of control and everything I do to try and make it better somehow always makes it worse. Something in my life right now has got to give. I'm tired of going in the wrong direction, making the wrong choices. I'm begging the universe to give me some clue as to what I need to be doing, what move I should make. I just want a job that pays enough money to live comfortably, that gives me some sort of satisfaction, that doesn't feel pointless.

I'm on the verge of going back to pizza. My brakes and the price of gas are the only things that have kept me from applying again so far. I don't want to deliver pizzas again. I know I won't make the kind of money I used to. It'll ruin my car. It's going in the wrong direction, but I don't know what else to do. I only qualified for about $3,000 in unemployment. That'll be gone before I know it.

I wish I had an inkling of another line of work to try or some other type of job I'd be good at. I can't go back to school yet again. I'm already going to be paying off student loan debt until I"m dead.

I wish I knew what to do.

So, today is the last day of being a thirty something. Remember that show? LOL

We had a mini birthday gathering yesterday with Mike and Nina. Dinner at Chili's and then a DQ ice cream cake here. YUM!

Mike and Nina got me one of those musical cards that Hallmark is selling now (it plays Spinal Tap) and Scott Kelby's Photoshop Channels book. Marcus purchased me an Expression Engine 1.5 license and then made an awesome little case for it.

Sorry I really haven't been in a posting mood this week. Here's a recap of the events of this week:

I was truly saddened by the death on Monday of The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin. I really broke up listening to Kelly Rippa on Regis & Kelly on Tuesday morning.

Steve Irwin, the khaki-clad wildlife stalker who won global fame with his televised death-defying crocodile stunts and whose booming voice made “Crikey!??? in a ripe Australian accent an international catchword, was killed by a stingray yesterday while filming a documentary at the Great Barrier Reef off Australia’s northeast coast. He was 44.

Witnesses said he apparently died of cardiac arrest after the stingray attack.

Mr. Irwin was on location in the area to film television segments, including material for “The Ocean’s Deadliest.??? Witnesses on his boat, Croc One, and on a nearby diving vessel said that when he came close to a stingray, its barb pierced his chest and lodged in his heart.

We had a nice little BBQ here on Monday. Mike and Nina brought lots of food. Nina makes THE BEST potato salad in the entire world. I first had it at their wedding. Good stuff! I'll have to find the recipe she gave me and put in on my recipe blog. One day I'm actually going to make it for myself. I keep forgetting.

Happy belated birthday to my friend Mike. His birthday was on Tuesday.

I tried to pick up dog poo this weekend, but was deterred by all the wasps buzzing around. I baited my wasp traps and have caught tons of the suckers this week. I hate wasps. I also trimmed branches off the the darned crabapple tree in the yard. It was way out of control. Makes me angry that they keep increasing the lot rent, our lease says not to prune the trees, yet they have never once taken care of it. Idiots.

I realized that my wardrobe is abysmal. I haven't bought new clothes in ages. Except for a bra, I haven't gotten anything new in over a year (t-shirts from my screen printing job). Marcus got my some polos when I started the screen printing job in April 2005. The last time I bought jeans was well before that. It doesn't help that I don't own a lot of clothes, anyway. While I've lost most of the weight I've gained since losing my job, I've lost it in different places than I gained it. I can't wear my jeans. My one pair of jeans that fit has so many holes in them that it's embarrassing. All of my nicer shirts have holes or stains or don't fit. I don't even have a week's worth of "nice" clothes to wear to a job anymore. My last pair of shorts fell apart. My sweat pants have holes. Even a huge weight loss wouldn't help much because I really don't own much in smaller sizes, either. I'm screwed.

I guess the money I get from paid blogging and the ebay sale of stuff from storage will have to go towards building a wardrobe.

The placement woman sent my resume off to a place that sounds perfect for me (except that it's in the DTC). I hope I get a call.

I'm working on my Thursday Thirteen, but can't seem to come up with 13 things I like about myself. How sad is that?

Can't believe it's Thursday already. Well, I'm going to go take a shower.

I finally got my first unemployment check today (but I can't deposit it until Tuesday dammit). I wish there was some way to direct deposit it. Funny, but Friday the phone line said my claim still hadn't been paid. I still feel like a scrumbag that I haven't found a job yet, but at least I'll quit dragging everybody else around me down while I'm looking. Platt finally hired another placement person...I have an appointment to meet with her Tuesday afternoon. Watch this lady not have any graphic design contacts whatsoever. Hopefully this is the point where things start to turn around. A new job is the only birthday present I want this year.

I don't know if the stress or the mosquiito bites are doing me in, but I feel like sh*t today. I went to bed around 1pm because I was dragging so bad and I was freezing. I fell asleep right away. I vaguely remember Marcus coming home from biking (he said that was around 2), then I was out until 6pm. I probably wouldn't have woken up then if Marcus hadn't come into the room to take a shower before dinner. I'm still dragging and am contemplating bed as soon as I hit submit.

I had something I wanted to post about, but darned if I can remember now. I guess I really do need to go back to bed. G'night.

Edit: I just remembered! Check out this cute (and oh so Marcus!) fairy tale that he posted.

I'm also contemplating participating in Pink for October.

I was working on my Popcorn Garland yesterday and ran into a new glitch. The yarn skein I was using was all knotted inside. Grrrr. I hate it when that happens. It took me hours to get it untangled. I ended up having to cut the yarn in a couple of places because the knots were so tight. Oh, well. I was going to have to cut it anyway to get more beads strung.