Domestic Geek

I'm feeling a bit lost and lonely and I don't know what I'm doing that creates this. Except for Marcus, I don't have any real live friends. I have acquaintances, but no true friends. I have some friends on the Internet, but they can't come hang out with me. I don't know why I can't connect or stay connected to people. Most people my age have kids and I can't relate to them. I'm always the odd man out, the last to be chosen, if I'm even remembered at all. Lately all those old high school memories of being left out have come flooding back and I'm hurting. I try to reach out to people and I'm ignored. I feel invisible once again.

It's when I feel like this that I realize why I'm 300 pounds, my finances are a joke and my house is a mess. I don't have the will to do anything about any of this because "why bother?" Nobody is around to notice anyway. I'm just the reliable girl that does her job, doesn't make waves and exists in the background.

I know that part of this is that I don't know where my passion lies. If I found something to participate in that I was passionate about, I would find people like me. I've spent so much of my life being what I thought I was supposed to be that I really don't know what I want.

I haven't been very current events savvy lately. I only just read that Owen Wilson may have attempted suicide last week. How tragically sad. I hope he gets help. I love him as an actor.

I've been such a slacker today. For whatever reason, I'm just feeling run down and out of sorts. I'm feeling a little blue, too. I really don't know why. I'm wondering if I'm starting to feel the effects of the days getting shorter. I'm also a little bored and frustrated at work. Oh, well...this will pass. I've just got such much I want to do and having to go to work every day doing mindless tasks is a little frustrating. I'm also probably a little burned out. I realized today that I haven't had a vacation in three years (being unemployed DOES NOT COUNT). That was when we went to visit Marcus' folks in Tennessee.

I've been really trying to meditate and clear my head lately. I've got this itchy feeling that something is about to change, I just don't know what. I sure hope that whatever it is, it is for the good.

Well, I found out today that I'm going to waste one less hour watching television. It turns out that CW's Veronica Mars was not renewed for this fall. That really ticks me off. I wish networks would let a series know before the end if it is going to be picked up again or not so that a series finale can be written if need be. I'm tired of being left hanging.

Hey Friends and Family!

I have a request for my birthday this year which, I just noticed today, happens to be in two weeks (gasp!).

I don't need things. Gosh knows I'm trying to purge my life and my house of unnecessary and unwanted stuff. What I would like, if you are so inclined, is iTunes gift certificates or donations to my Vegas fund. See, in addition to the price of the actual trip, there are things I need to get before I go, such as a new laptop battery, headphones for my iPod, a new camera, some nicer clothes. That is the kind of "stuff" I do need now.

Thanks!